Every time a man rejects woman sexually, we tend to think that it is because the wife is unattractive, unsexy or perhaps she’s just not very good in bed.
It is quite disheartening to see how people almost always lay the blame on women when men lose sexual interest. However, the blame is not always on us, because there are beautiful, sexy and desirable women out there who complain they aren’t getting enough. And they complain about husbands who don’t want sex.
Why does this happen?
Here are four hidden reasons why a man rejects woman sexually, as well as what you can do about it.
#1 When Work Becomes His Mistress
Working out the finances early on will save a lot of stress later
In normal instances, a man’s libido is usually directed towards their partner and wife. But when work takes center stage, it can cause them to redirect all that sexual energy elsewhere.
Now before you start freaking out, when a man rejects woman sexually, this doesn’t necessarily mean they are cheating on you. There are other ways to achieve that high, and it doesn’t always have to be from sex. It can come in the form of appraisal, money or even ego boosts. For some (weirdly enough), all these can manifest as a sense of achievement and can be quite a turn-on, replacing the need for sex.
How to Fix This
Make a point to show interest in his career so that you can still be a part of this aspect of his life. Even small things like remembering certain details or even being able to have surface discussions about the projects he is handling can help to refocus his attention back to you.
Having a work/life balance is very important whether you are in a relationship or not. So as his life partner, gently discuss the need for “couple time” with cell phones turned off every day.
Start off with one hour a day and then you can slowly build things up to a date night every week. Getting reconnected with one another really helps with intimacy. Also, if sex just isn’t working out at night, you can always throw in a quickie in the morning.
#2 When Masturbation Is Easier
He doesn’t want to HAVE to depend on you for sex, and would much rather take matters into his own hands – literally. In this sense, masturbation is just so much easier. Why? It is less work, it is how he likes things to be and it is quick and efficient.
Some men are just insecure about being dependent on their partners to have their sexual desires met. Like why do I always have to be the one who wants sex all the time? I can handle my own sexual needs myself.
Again society plays a part in painting a picture that men NEED nothing.
But needing intimacy from your partner doesn’t make men any less male. Perhaps it was their upbringing that is causing all the negative thoughts. Some men may not want to be too dependent, especially if they have suffered disappointment and neglect at some point in their life.
How to Fix This
Do talk to your husband and explain that sex is necessary and important for your marital happiness. Persuade him to cut down on masturbation so that this will build up partner desire.
Do take things slow, because building trust and intimacy is not something that can be done overnight. You could try including lots of foreplay before sex, and even have the occasional session where you masturbate him!
#3 When It’s Hard to Keep It Hard
Rather than feel inadequate all the time, it is easier if man rejects woman sexually
Erectile dysfunction, early ejaculation, and delayed ejaculation are common factors that contribute to a man’s frustration. The feeling of being inadequate or unable to perform can be the reason a man rejects woman sexually.
How to Fix This
For older men, the issue could very well be just low libido and not just because they are worried they can’t perform. But still, it can cause a man to reject a woman sexually.
Try scheduling an appointment with a urologist first so your man can check his testosterone levels. Also, work in more foreplay and talk about fantasies and desire while in bed together. It is okay if only you reach your climax. When you take the pressure off, this could help him achieve a natural response.
For younger men, women just need to be kind and more encouraging about sexual performance. Again, there are so many ways a man can climax and just by taking that pressure off, this could help lessen the anxiety.
However, do support them to get help as early ejaculation can be improved through therapy. In any case, always talk things out and be open about trying new things. There are many ways to get over this problem.
#4 When It Is All in His Mind
Did he grow up an awkward teenager and feels anxious about initiating sex? Does he think that sex is degrading for a woman? Or is it because deep down he is really horny all the time and hungry for sex… but doesn’t want to appear as a barbarian in your eyes?
If the first and second reasons are negating his desire, then that is probably why he is avoiding sex with you. As for the last reason… tell him you are perfectly happy with his 24-7 lust for you. Then, ask your gentlemanly husband to unleash his inner caveman…
How to Fix This
According to Psychology Today, psychodynamic therapy or dream analysis can help. By tapping into his inner self, experts will be able to help both of you understand the inner make-up of his libido.
So don’t jump to conclusions and think he is not that interested in you. Instead, sit down and talk about it, maybe it is caused by some underlying issues that need to be sorted out. But ultimately intimacy and sex are important and should be nurtured to ensure happiness for both of you.
Source: Psychology Today
Read also: Try these 36 questions to help build intimacy
Republished with permission from: theAsianParent Singapore
