How your mental health can affect you and your relationship to your husband - One mom shares

The pandemic has affected all of us, and for some of us, it has taken a toll on our mental health. VIP Parent Jessica shares her struggles with her mental health and how it has affected her relationship with her husband.  

What can you read in the article?

• My mental health story
• 6 tips on how you can manage your mental health

Mental health and relationships

I hugged my husband while crying, “I am so sorry, I don’t know why I feel so angry but I’ll do my best to manage my emotions.” 

I noticed that recently, my relationship has started to get affected by my unstable mental health. I have become illogical, angry, and inconsiderate. I have started to raise my voice to everyone even though they have done nothing wrong to me.

I have reasons that are so funny such as why is the weather hot, or why does the food not taste the way I want it to be. Why is bittermelon, bitter? Why chocolate is sweet? 

I get angry for not eating new delicious food, for not being able to go out due to the pandemic, or be unable to eat out in restaurants.

These are uncontrollable and unbelievable things that I get angry about it. Maybe the last straw is when I ask my husband,

“Why is the air I breathe not visible?” 

I am a very happy person. That’s why when I felt these things, I felt devastated. It made me say that my mental illness affected my relationship with my husband.

The moment when I became a mom

Before giving birth, I had achieved everything that I wanted. I became a model, actress, writer, brand ambassador, host and so much more.

Then I became a mom,  I quit my full-time job and took the sidelines.  Eventually, I founded and managed a learning consultancy with my husband while taking care of my son full time.

I do not feel fulfilled at all, I felt like I was just doing this to survive and help my family. I want to do something more fulfilling, something else to do aside from taking care of my boy.

I started to feel worthless. I even lined up to get online consultations to check my well-being because it was now starting to affect my personality.

I joined communities that talked about anger and depression issues to make me feel more comfortable and to ensure to myself that I wasn’t alone.

They made me feel that it was okay for my mental illness to affect my relationships because even though we are sick we still need people to be around us. It’s just so happened that I wasn’t in the best mental state so that’s why my relationships have been affected. 

The moment I tried to bounced back

When I tried bouncing back, I talked to someone close to me. I asked him if I could self-publish a mini book with around 10-15 essays in it.

He told me it was possible but only if I agreed to do it for free. Yes, this person thought that more than 10 mini-essays were worth nothing and it made me feel more worthless than ever. 

That very night, I cried thinking about what has happened to me. I used to juggle 5 clients and now, I can’t even get a paycheck for a mini book that I wanted to launch. It would be distributed for free?

When other people get paid for the work they published? It sounded crazy and unfair to me. This person who I held so dear to my heart, just crushed my dreams of bouncing back to what I was before. 

I got talked to people I didn’t know personally. These people who I only knew through my anger management and depression sharing group.

No one judged me when I shared my experience of my mental illness affecting my relationships. They cheered me up and told their own stories too. It made me a whole lot different person and that’s when I knew what I want to do. 

I started a blog and started to write again. This time I wrote to mothers who felt the same way, these moms were on top of their game before they become moms.

So there I was, giving back all the support that other moms gave to me. My blog really helped me get back on track and helped especially with my mental illness affecting my relationships. It made me feel whole and alive again. 

READ MORE: 

Poor mental health linked to late-night phone use, says study

Families can support kids’ mental health whether they’re learning remotely or at school – here’s how

Laging kinakabahan at nag-aalala – normal ba o may anxiety ka na?

6 tips on how you can manage your mental health

You are not alone. You will bounce back. Here are some of the things I did to help me feel better and try to get my sanity back again:

1. Join groups

As mentioned above, I joined different groups.  The anger management and depression group helped me a lot. Other than that, I joined a lot of parenting groups and there I saw the reality that being a mom isn’t rainbows and butterflies. It can be black & white, dull and sad. 

Aside from these support groups, I also suggest you join your hobby groups. I joined a colored hair community because I love colored hair people. There, I learned a new skill which was coloring my hair. It made me happy.  

And there are also meme groups where they post content that will make you laugh all day. 2. 

2. Learn new hobbies

When you become busy learning something new, your mind becomes occupied with new amazing things. Discover photography or baking, or anything that you are interested in. In my case, I attended new webinars where I acquired new skills I thought were necessary for my personal growth.

 3. Have some me-time

Watch some Netflix, eat your favorite food even if it’s just for an hour. Call your relatives to take care of your child and do it for your sanity’s sake. It may just be an hour per week but it will make all the difference for your mental health. 

4. Exercise

Doing exercise releases happy hormones. It is necessary during this pandemic to take care of yourself both physically and mentally. A 30-minute exercise session per day is okay as long as it is consistent. 

 5. Set your calendar

Give yourself a deadline to produce something.  Anything at all, like a new recipe or a new record in running. Do it so that your mind will be busy with goals. 

6. Get professional help 

When all else fails, you have to get professional help. You have to accept the fact that this is a mental illness and a psychometrician is needed for you to get through these journeys. 

I hope these tips will let you stand 8 times when you fall seven. A happy mom makes a happy baby and a happy husband.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jessica Rose Tinio-Atalia is a work-from-home mom to her son Sen Arya. In her blog, she shares all of her experiences as a parent. She also believes that being a mother will not make her less of a woman.