Dear fellow Parents,
As a mom who has been reflecting on recent conversations, specifically the one of Olympic gymnast Carlos Yulo‘s issue with his mother’s financial mismanagement of his hard-earned money, I feel the need to address an important issue that affects many of us, Filipino families: the belief that our children owe us financial support.
This expectation is deeply rooted in our cultural values, but it’s crucial to acknowledge and respect the reality of what our children can and cannot provide.
Recognizing the Burden We Place on Them
In our culture, it’s common to expect that our children will take care of us in our later years. This expectation often stems from the love and sacrifices we made while raising them. However, it’s important to understand that while our children may offer support, they are not obligated to bear the full financial load. They have their own financial responsibilities, dreams, and challenges that must be respected.
Respecting Their Boundaries
Respecting the financial boundaries our children set is crucial. Their limitations reflect their own financial realities and should be honored without judgment. Just as we have our own needs and expectations, so do they. Finding a balance that respects everyone’s situation is essential for maintaining a healthy family dynamic.
Understanding Their Financial Realities
Our children are working hard to manage their own lives, from handling their finances to building their futures. They may be dealing with their own financial commitments like mortgages, education expenses, or raising their own families. The economic pressures they face can make it difficult for them to meet expectations beyond their means. Acknowledging this reality is key to creating a supportive and understanding family environment.
Promoting Honest Communication
It’s essential to have open and honest conversations about financial matters. Instead of making assumptions or setting unspoken expectations, we should talk directly with our children about our needs and their ability to meet them. This approach helps set realistic expectations and fosters mutual understanding. By expressing gratitude for any help they can provide while respecting their limits, we can strengthen our relationships.
Encouraging Financial Independence
As we grow older, it’s beneficial for us to plan and manage our own finances as much as possible. This not only reduces the financial burden on our children but also helps us maintain our sense of independence and dignity. Exploring options for financial planning, savings, and alternative support systems can help us stay self-sufficient without over-relying on our children.
Affirming Our Love Beyond Financial Support
Ultimately, our relationship with our children should be based on love, respect, and understanding, not just financial transactions. Showing appreciation for their efforts and supporting them in their own endeavors reinforces our bond and ensures that our relationship is about more than just money.
As content creator Inka Magnaye eloquently pointed out in response to the critics of Carlos Yulo who used the phrase “Magulang mo pa rin ‘yan” to make him feel guilty,, “It’s not difficult to be empathetic and to have compassion. And it’s plain to see how cruel it is for a child to never know the healthy love of a parent.”
In Closing
To all my fellow Filipino parents, while it’s natural to hope for support from our children, we must recognize that they do not owe us anything beyond their love and care.
By embracing financial independence and fostering open, respectful communication, we can build stronger, more supportive relationships with our children. At the end of the day, wala silang utang na loob sa atin.
With understanding and respect,
A fellow Parent