Opposites attract in marriage - do you agree with this, mommies? One mom shares about her experience being on opposite poles and clashing personalities with her hubby.
What can you read in this article?
- How to completely different people ended up together
- How to marriage work despite contrasting personalities
My husband and I are total opposites. He is an introvert who prefers to be in his own bubble, with his small circle of very selected few, while I am a certified social butterfly.
Back when we were still working together in the same company, our difference was very apparent. He goes to work (and he can manage to get in the office almost unnoticed unless he is needed), does his job, then goes home like a ghost who passed by along the crowd of unknowing humans.
He keeps his personal space sacred, and "making new acquaintances" or mingling with people is not really his thing. He’d rather be left alone.
I, on the other hand, have a good chance of winning Miss Congeniality. From the very gate of the company, I exchange pleasantries and engage in small chit-chats with everyone, including the guards. I say hi to colleagues I come across on my way to my workstation, and you’d probably catch me having conversations with people around the office.
Do opposites attract in marriage?
John and I started as friends. We never really intended to date, but I guess our differences was one of the major factors that drew us closer to each other. Perhaps, as they say, “Opposites do really attract.”
When we were just starting out, things were pretty great. It was always exciting to have a glimpse of the other side of the fence, much more to actually be able to get past that fence and enter the front door.
But as we got deeper into the relationship, lived together, and started raising our little ones building our own family, our differences challenged the best of us.
He is a realist; I am an idealist. There were times that, though unintentional, we were raining on each other’s parade. Our personalities and views clash, and moving forward, navigating the road in the very same direction seems to be really difficult.
How can you possibly move smoothly and travel together towards the same destination, if your beliefs, choices, and sense of direction are completely different?
Because of this, we've had such an intense trip, and everywhere we turn, there seemed to be a long, rocky road. But despite the challenges, I believe we were able to surpass them. We are still together, living harmoniously, totally not wanting to kill each other most of the time. The fire between us is undeniably still burning, in fact, the flames are growing with each passing day.
Dealing with your spouse when you have opposite personalities
The big question is, "How?" If opposites attract in marriage, how do you go through all the communicating and decision-making when you're both on the other side of the pole?
Here are the things that helped us to get through the crazy challenging phase and find our groove as husband and wife:
1. Respect
Big word, yes. But easier said than done.
Let me first clarify that you do not really need to change for your partner. You do not have to like what he likes, or believe what he believes in. You just have to completely, whole-heartedly respect your partner’s views and perspectives. From there, everything else follows.
2. Take the middle road
Always try your best to meet in the ‘middle.’
John hates socialization, I love getting "out there." After some time of trying to adjust, understand (and adapt to) each other’s way of life, we realized we do not really have to force things.
For example, if I am set to meet some friends, he lets me go out without any hard feelings or resentment. Meanwhile, I don’t insist on him coming with me, much more to mingle with other people.
3. Find some common ground
No matter how different you two are, there will definitely be some things that you both like and enjoy. Figure out which those are and spend quality time which each other doing them.
4. Learn to compromise.
A relationship is not about who is right and who is wrong. And it should never be about who is superior or who knows better.
You are not in a competition, and you and your partner are not opponents. If there is a prize to be won in the end, it is having a loving relationship and a happy family.
So choose your battles. Learn to compromise when needed. Communicate and make sure to listen. Discussions also make your relationship healthier and stronger.
5. Focus on what matters most
Every relationship is tested and will be continuously tested. It is absolutely normal to flinch, to be frustrated, sad, or scared.
But in the end, the ultimate factor to be considered when challenges come your way, whether it was caused by your different personalities or other factors, is what matters most for the two of you.
In our case, it is to be together, to stay together, and to make the relationship work.
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If you are in a similar situation, I hope this somehow helps. But know that every relationship is unique and challenges are there to make you or break you.
These things may have worked for us, but the first thing you should probably do if you are in a challenging relationship right now is to ask yourself these questions:
Do you have a healthy relationship? Do you make each other better? (This second question is important)
If yes, well and good.
I wholeheartedly believe that in our case, our differences and the way we view and resolve things through these differences, made us better through time—individually and as partners.
Now, the next questions you should ask yourselves are…
How much do you both want to stay together? What can you both do to make things work?
These things will help you assess if the relationship is worth fighting for, and if in your case, opposites attract in marriage.