All their lives, boys are told not to cry. Parents often argue that it’s unbecoming, that crying is for girls. As a result, these boys grow up afraid of showing emotion, mistaking it as a flaw, a sign of weakness.
When they get hurt, they are told to “suck it up,” be a man. They are told instead to focus on the more “manly” emotions, one of which is aggression.
We can see consequences of this kind of bad parenting advice. Generations of men have become emotionally distant and unavailable. Generations of men have grown up aggressive and violent.
If we are to see some change in the way men behave, we need to break the stereotype that showing emotion is an inherently negative thing.
And we have to start by teaching boys it’s okay to cry.
In an NPR report, Hannah Rosin said that it’s perfectly all right for boys to shed a tear or two as an expression of emotion—that is, as long as it’s for the right reason.
“I think we care a lot less about boys crying than we used to” she said. “But more than we will admit. Or to put it another way: boys can cry, if they do it in just the right way.”
In fact, according to Psychology Today, crying can even be healthy. Boys who doesn’t have a problem expressing vulnerability have higher EQ points.
In a study of temperament, it revealed that both girls and boys experience the same emotions—anger, shyness, sadness, fear—and it is important that they be given vent to.
But another point the study highlighted was that compared to girls, boys have a higher depression tendencies and most of them are sadder.
“It is easier for girls to relieve themselves from frustrating emotions as they can be more vulnerable and open when it comes to expressing how they feel,” said a Parent Herald report. “Boys, on the other hand, are referred to as weak and would end up being reprimanded every time they’d cry.”
Parents should be able to raise boys who have a positive relationship with emotion. Not only that, boys are also encouraged to express their emotion.
It doesn’t matter what a person’s sex is; crying can be a good thing if done for al the right reasons.
READ: 10 things you should stop saying to your child – and what to say instead
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