I haven’t shared this with many, but I think this is something that must be out to the open for others to know that this is real. Postpartum Depression is real.
The second night after giving birth, I had my first episode of Postpartum Depression or PPD.
Most new moms experience powerful emotions after giving birth- mood swings, crying spells, anxiety, and difficulty in sleeping. This starts the first two to three days and may last up to weeks, and when become severe it can lead to postpartum depression, according to Mayo Clinic.
My postpartum depression story
I felt very weak, helpless, discouraged, sad, and hopeless. I felt pity for myself.
The moment those emotions suddenly dropped in me, I knew something is happening, and something real is taking place.
I am happy to have my new baby. I know that because the moment I came near to her, tears of joy were shed from my eyes and an unexplainable joy overwhelmed my heart.
But the next night when I had to go to the bathroom to wash up, I had an outburst of emotions. I cannot help but hold back my heavy tears because someone is also inside our room that night. But I knew inside me, something is wrong, and something is breaking my heart.
Right at that very moment, I don’t know how or why, but I just knew it was because of postpartum. I promptly talked to my husband and pour my heart on him.
I told him what’s going on inside of me and that I need him, by my side, his help, to encourage me and above all, and I need him to cover me in prayers.
I thought those bulk of emotions would end after we went home from the hospital. But those emotions stayed with me for days, weeks, and even for months.
Feeling hopeless and helpless
I was crying every night. I just felt so helpless and hopeless plus the fact that I was away from my family and friends. Breastfeeding is quite hard, the pain from my caesarian operation is too serious, and I was too clueless if I am making things right with my baby.
Pressures added up to my troubled heart and mind. I was around people I am not yet used to. I felt I was alone though my husband is with me. I felt I am not capable of being a good mom if I am in my current state at that time. Giving birth became too traumatic for me.
But God rich in His mercy and grace, brought me out of that season. Grateful for friends who are even distance away from me has held the other rope for me and covered me in prayers and encouragements. It really helped me.
It is very important that in those vulnerable states, husbands stay with their wives. Husbands played a big role in the postpartum journey of wives. It is not just the wives’ battle, but it is the fight of the whole family.
Forever grateful for my husband, even sometimes I hurt him psychically
I am beyond grateful that my husband stood with me all those days. The times I cried out to him because of known and unknown reasons, and times I get mad at and even hurt him physically But he remained patient and understanding.
The times he extended encouragement and prayers to me, he just listened, stayed beside me, hugged me, and kissed me. Those times are precious and very significant in my postpartum depression journey. It helped me to my healing one day at a time until I reached the day where I am now.
It was not easy. Help is very important. Accountability also matters. A healthy community of moms and friends is very crucial in this journey.
I am glad I have those during those difficult times and I hold on to my God and He kept my sanity in place. I am grateful He held all things together for me, for my husband, and for my daughter.
For those who are unaware of what they are going through as a new mom, it is okay to feel that way, but it is very important that you ask for help.
If the people around you couldn’t help you in any way, better seek professional help. Do it not only for your baby but for yourself as well. When you are in good shape- mind, body, and soul, you will be able to take good care of your baby well.
Cheers to you, brave and strong momma! You’ll get through it! The Lord’s going to take care of you and your family.
Psalm 34:18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.