Who says sex after having kids can be boring? Moms (and dads), take some cues from the author on how to level up your sexy time with your spouse.
What can you read in this article?
- Sex after kids is a chore - truth or just a bad rap?
- How this couple amped up their sex life after having two babies
Like most people, I had the impression that sexy time could become boring and rare after being married for a while, more so after having kids.
I would learn from friends how they lost interest in sex and got less of it, brought about by the pressures of parenthood and the responsibilities that come with it.
Some even get to the point of not finding physical intimacy pleasurable anymore but seeing it as something that has to be done like a chore.
And though it has nothing to do with the love you share with your spouse, physical intimacy can become a routine the longer you are together.
In addition, women most especially, embrace motherhood and lose themselves in the process by giving all their love, time, and energy to their precious little ones. Breastfeeding, co-sleeping, and everyday mom life make it even worse as these don't sound sexy at all.
With these stories in mind, I once asked my husband before we had babies if he felt we would ever get to that. Of course, he said no. And it is probably why we have always made an effort to keep things exciting and put in much work to keep the fire burning.
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Sex after having kids: a cut above our usual
Then, came baby number 1.
Post-baby sex can be intimidating after all your lady garden went through and it took a while for me, more than the required recovery time, to finally say yes again.
I was tired, scared it would hurt, and felt self-conscious of how my new body looked with all the major physical changes from pregnancy and childbirth.
But I am lucky my partner made it easy for me to regain my libido. He never made me feel less desirable and always made sure I relished lovemaking as much as he did. We soon got our groove back and somehow sex was more passionate. We felt more bonded.
After baby number 2, it was not as hard to get back in the game. We took the plunge as soon as we had the go signal from the doctor and sex was a cut above our usual.
I mean, we had great sex before having babies but I started having multiple orgasms each time. Every encounter became mind-blowing.
Perhaps parenthood made us closer and more open with each other. We are more comfortable talking about what we want and what feels good. And because we wish to satisfy each other, we speak about and explore our needs.
Plus, something about pregnancy and giving birth made me more in tune with my body. I have read about how the quality of sex improves because pelvic and vaginal muscles are more toned allowing you to have more frequent and intense orgasms.
Keeping the fire burning
Taking advantage of this, though we always thought we already had the perfect sexual relationship, we did not stop there. We find time and make a way despite our clingy tiny loves and everyday duties.
We make it a point to keep things fun by trying new things and enjoying each other the best way we can. My husband gladly splurges on lingerie to help us both get in the mood.
Little acts during the day make us look forward to alone time such as holding hands, random squeezes and kisses, or sexy messages when we are not together. We openly profess our desire for each other, make naughty inside jokes or send secret signals.
Lastly, we don’t consider sex as something that should require much effort but something we both want. On not-so-good days, we see it as a form of relaxation, a way to de-stress, or something to reconnect us after an argument.
We simply revel at the moment, focus on each other and forget all life obligations when we get busy in bed. All hands on deck, as my significant other would say.
So yes, in my case, our sex life did not return to how or what it was before babies, it got even better and I am hoping it stays that way.