When trawling through the internet for tips on how to make your sex life better, you would most likely stumble upon positions and maneuvers that will help you enjoy it more, focusing on technique with the end goal: achieving climax.
But what if you’ve tried every position and yet nothing works? Maybe it’s time to take a few steps back and try to make intimacy more intentional, altering it to suit your present needs and circumstances. The time leading up to intercourse, and what you do during that time, is just as important as the act itself.
Here are a few tips from Dr. Tina Tessina, who is a licensed psychotherapist and writer for the Huffington Post.
Think back on how you would be intimate when you were just a new couple. Dr. Tessina’s advice is to add in little details to recreate a specific hot memory. Choose the same flowers or restaurant where you had your first date, talk on the phone, flirt. Going back to basics can truly propel your sex life to a new level.
According to Men’s Health, couples who spend too much time together may experience a strain in their relationship due to a lack of social variety. It’s important to spend time apart so that your intimacy becomes more exciting. This will also make it easier for you to achieve the type of sex that makes you both feel like everything’s new and fresh again.
Dr. Lisa Neff cautions that “in the heat of an argument, people often blame their mates for negative behaviors, and that pattern tends to build on itself over time.”
Break this pattern by being understanding of one other’s flaws and looking forward to hot, make-up sex. After all, many couples and experts agree that one of the best times to have sex is after a huge argument is resolved.
This is the romantic kind of sex, the kind where you make your partner feel like you’re trying to win them over. Pull out all the stops, if possible. Check in to a fancy hotel, book a table at a posh restaurant or simply surprise them at work with a gift. You can also plan a weekend getaway for the sole purpose of getting intimate away from all of life’s responsibilities.
If your partner had a bad day or is simply insecure about their body or their overall sexual performance lately, relaxing or reassuring sex can be just the ticket. Dr. Gian Gonzaga tells Men’s Health that “stress has a tendency to get under the skin of a relationship.”
So it’s important to make time for relaxing sex during weekends, preferably, or when you have no prior obligations or appointments. This establishes the focus on you and your partner. Consistent declarations of love during sex will further reassure your partner of your love and commitment.
Make them feel wanted and confident in the bedroom by being open to roleplaying or other experiences they’ve been wanting to try but have been to shy to ask. Don’t be afraid to be silly. Open up about your own fantasies, too.
You can also use sex toys, costumes and other enhancements. The important thing is to indulge your shared fantasies. This is one of the best ways to improve your current reality: getting lost in your wildest dreams and encouraging your partner to do the same.
READ: 5 Expert-approved ways to deal with a partner who’s lost interest in sex
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