Do you miss the times when you were single and didn’t have a care in the world? Then you can probably relate to this mom’s story on how she felt about her successful single friends and what she realized after having a heart-to-heart conversation with them.
What can you read in this article?
- Finding her people who brought out the best in her
- An unexpected realization from her single friends
Inggit ako sa success ng friends ko—pero inggit din pala sila na may pamilya na ako.
Some people believe that you can be on your own and turn out fine. But the saying “No man is an island” proves you can never be truly yourself without having somebody else in your life.
Having a true friend is important in a person’s growing phase. You can be rotten, fruitful, or just a plain old tree, but you have to know that in order to reap the fruits, someone has to support you to make you flourish.
We all have this BESTIE for all seasons; ‘yong matatawagan mo sa mga panahong kailangan mo sila. We all have that friend who has been with us through thick and thin.
I had a lot of people who I considered as best friends through different phases in my life, but there’s this squad who has been with me for almost 15 years and beyond. And this is what my story is all about.
Finding my people
Our friendship started in high school. They say your high school years are the best years of your life, and for me, somehow it is. Because that’s where I met the people who loved and accepted me for who I am.
Like any other relationship, we’ve been through a lot. We had misunderstandings, went through teenage mood swings together, had different perspectives about life, and witnessed each others’ love stories.
At one point, our respected relationships separated us and we missed out on some of the biggest events in each others’ lives.
But now, after everything we’ve gone through, I can say that our friendship has evolved for the better. We treat each other like sisters.
The truth is I have a tendency to be closed off to people. I tend to become insecure, especially if I think I’m not on the same “level” as them. But these girls never made me feel that. Sure, I might be their most emotional friend and I come with a lot of baggage, but I never felt that I have to prove anything to them. They just get me.
I’ve always been grateful for having them as my longtime friends. Aside from my husband, they are the people who never let me feel alone or neglected.
Four friends and a wedding
Before I got married in December of 2019, I had a crisis with my self-worth because I failed my parents’ expectations of me. I got pregnant before marriage and somehow, I know that I’ve sinned in their eyes.
But in spite of letting my parents down, I believe things happened for a reason. If that situation didn’t happen, I would’ve let them manipulate my life for a long time.
I wanted to get married when I learned that I was pregnant, not because gusto kong panagutan ako ng asawa ko, but because I wanted God’s blessing for this new chapter in my life.
At that point in my life, I have closed myself off to others. I wouldn’t say I was embarrassed to be pregnant before marriage, but I just didn’t want other people blaming or feeling sorry for when I feel the other way around. And, I felt very blessed to have been pregnant.
I had a lot of issues with myself, but my best friends helped me on my journey na labanan yung ego ko and focus on having a healthy pregnancy for my baby.
They even organized a surprise bridal shower for me. There, I felt very very special. I felt that I didn’t deserve it because of all the shame inside of me. Admittedly, I am weak in this area of my life. Pero sobrang blessed ako to have them. I know God sent these people to stay with me to remind me of His love.
From then on, I learned that we can never please everybody, and that’s okay. I grew up being a people pleaser and at a turning point in my life, my friends taught me that I have to focus on building a new life for my little one and husband.
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Awesome friends and successful professionals in their own right
Gusto kong ipakilala sa inyo ang tatlo sa pinakamamahal kong kaibigan who really made me feel loved and accepted throughout the years.
Just like any friendships that started in high school, we’re all about jokes, laughing, and teasing each other whenever we get together.
But in their own right, they are all successful professionals in their respective fields. One is a product specialist in an equipment manufacturing company, the other is a licensed educator currently teaching online and a senior software analyst in a cruising company.
Admittedly, whenever we talk about our careers, I always find myself as the least among them. As I mentioned, I’ve always had issues about self-worth and I tend to degrade myself.
Before I got pregnant, I was a field training supervisor in a mobile phone company but I had to stop working because I had a delicate pregnancy. So this added to my insecurities; I felt that I didn’t belong with them because I wasn’t as successful.
But being the good friends that they are, they insist na hindi nila naiisip ‘yon. I feel so touched that with our friendship, they never made me feel that I was below them. Sa friendship, hindi kailangan ng level kung sino ang pinakamataas.
When we talk about insecurities, I believe that everybody is insecure about something. We’re human, after all. It’s just a matter of handling it and living with it.
Life is a matter of perspective
Last Valentine’s Day, we had a group date with our respective partners. Since may baby ako, sinama ko siya kasi sa bahay naman ng best friend namin isa ginanap ‘yong bonding. We had samgyupsal bonding and of course, a few drinks to spice up the occasion.
For the very first time ever, our topics became so mature and deeper, unlike our usual topics in the past. It lasted almost the whole night, and when everything’s going great, pumasok sa usapan ‘yong success ng bawat isa.
Sabi ko sa single friends ko, naiinggit ako sa kanila. They make enough money for themselves to live a comfortable life.
I’m the eldest of three siblings, I never had the pleasure of enjoying my salary because I became the breadwinner of the family. Tapos nagkasakit pa ‘yong papa ko ng Stage 5 chronic kidney disease and prostate cancer. Utang dito, utang doon.
I wasn’t ashamed of it because it was a sacrifice I made for my father. But I envied my single friends because they could do anything with the time that they have. While I was so busy from being a breadwinner to taking care of my baby.
Can you blame me for feeling this way? I wanted the freedom to enjoy myself without worrying about anything. But due to pressure, I felt like I failed my own dreams.
Pero siguro nga kaya dumating yung baby ko, not to change my life but to save it. To save me from the untrue thoughts that were bothering me.
Naisalba niya ang perspective ko. Naiba ‘yong pagtingin ko sa life na kahit sa gitna ng pandemic, gumigising ako para mabuhay para sa kanya at sa pamilya ko.
My single friends’ answers surprised me. They said na nakakainggit din ako kasi may sarili na akong pamilya.
I guess it’s true what they say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. My single friends see the beauty in the life that I have built with my own family. Nakita nila ‘yong saya na nagkaroon ako.
Yes, they’re able to buy the things that they want, they’ve been to places they wanted to go. Pero dadating tayo sa point na we question these things that we’ve achieved and wonder if that really brings us true happiness.
Na-feel ko ‘yong nakita nilang happiness sa buhay ko, pero hindi ko nakikita na biggest success ko rin pala ‘yon. And one of my best friends was right when she said, “Life is fair, it’s just a matter of perspective.”
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