Nothing hurts more for a mother than to lose a child. Read this story of heartbreak and hope from a mom who suffered from a stillbirth after a miscarriage.
What can you read in this article?
- The pain of suffering from stillbirth after a miscarriage
- The message of love from above
Do you believe in angels? Because I have two in heaven.
Yes, I lost two babies in a row. It was so devastating and I thought that I’d be drowning forever. However, love still prevailed after the storm. I wish to share this story to remind everyone that amidst all the adversities that we face in our lives, there is still hope when there is love. This is my testimony of God’s grace and faithfulness in my perfectly imperfect life.
Losing my babies
I can still vividly remember those events in my life in the years 2018 and 2019. I never knew anything about reproductive immune disorders back then.
It was 2018 when my first angel gained his wings at around 8 weeks in my tummy. I thought that was the most painful event in my life. But I was wrong. After a year, I got pregnant again. Yet, after 9 long months of carrying my baby in my womb, his heart stopped a few days before my scheduled CS operation. I had a stillbirth after a miscarriage.
That was the 14th day of June, and it has been the saddest day of my life. Everything was ready. We had a new set of clothes, toys, a baby shower, everything but him.
It was so cold at the operating table that day. There were hours of silence, for the moment that was supposed to be the happiest day of our lives, to hear our baby’s cry for the very first time became a moment of mourning and grief.
The doctors took my baby out of my womb and I struggled while I was groggy with the anesthesia. I literally fought to wake up just to see my baby for the first and last time.
I held his hands and kissed his face and closed my eyes so that the face of my angel can be imprinted forever in my memory. Imagine holding an urn instead of a baby while being wheeled home.
The message of love
The following year, I slowly began picking myself up from all the bits and pieces that I was left with from my past experiences, and decided to look for answers to all the questions in my mind.
I found out that I have Anti-Phospholipid Antibody Syndrome (APAS), a condition that puts me at an increased risk for blood clots, interfering with the blood flow to the womb resulting in pregnancy loss or stillbirth. I did a lot of diagnostic work-ups with the help of great doctors and immunologists.
It was June 2020, my dear Axl’s 1st year in heaven, when the Lord sent us this wonderful news. I took a pregnancy test and found 2 lines. We were so happy, but we decided to keep the news among ourselves this time. I was on complete bed rest during the entire 9 months just to save the growing miracle inside me.
It was not an easy pregnancy. I had to inject heparin into my tummy three times a day until it was time to deliver my baby. Imagine all the pain and bruises that I got. Because of that, I called the marks in my tummy “tattoo of love,” More than 500 injections, but it was all worth it.
Truly, God is so wonderful! After the stillbirth and after the miscarriage, I thought I would be drowning in tears forever. But the Lord has his ways.
Fast forward to February 14, 2021, when the whole world was celebrating the day of love, our little miracle Arrow came into our lives. It was truly God’s message for me, showing His love for me and my family on that special day.
We named our little one “Arrow” to remember my favorite quote from bestselling author Paulo Coelho,
“An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward, so when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that it’s going to launch you into something great.”
READ MORE:
One Father’s Message to Other Parents: Counting Kicks Is Important
How To Deal With “What Happened To The Baby?” And More Questions After A Miscarriage Or Stillbirth
I believe that everything that happens in our lives is destined to make us strong. We may not know the reason now, but someday we will discover that these trials were meant to shape us into the kind of person that God wants us to be.
I am Christy, a mother of two beautiful angels on earth, and two angels in heaven. My life is a story of hope. I may be bruised, yet I am always and forever grateful to be a MOM.