You can’t please everyone. No matter how hard you try, you will come across people who simply do not like you. Sometimes, it’s not something you said or did that irks them so, it’s things beyond your control.
Most of the time, it’s easy to just shrug it off and ignore the haters, but what if the person who dislikes you is someone your spouse loves dearly, like his or her own mom. How do you deal with a mother-in-law who, no matter how hard you try, can’t seem to develop any affection for you?
Here are some ways to better understand and reduce conflict, according to Dr. Madeleine A. Fugère of Psychology Today.
1. You are not who she pictured her child to end up with
A mom wants the best for her child and, over the years, they’ve developed their own “dreams” as to what their child would grow up to be like. This can often include the kind of partner they picture their child settling down with. Dr. Fugère shares that many parents prioritize deeper traits, like a good family background, financial stability, religion, and ethnicity when favoring a potential partner for their child. They don’t really focus on looks, charm, or personality, focusing on the lasting security a potential partner could offer their child.
Though it may be difficult to overcome, a way to begin changing your mother-in-law’s perception of you is to consistently show them how much you care for your spouse.
photo: google
2. She feels as if she’s being replaced
Mothers-in-law can often feel threatened when their child finds someone new to be their source of love and comfort. She needs to feel needed. Value her opinion and genuinely seek her advice.
Let there be no room for her to see you as “competition” for her son’s time and attention. Accomodate her and reassure her that she now also has a “new daughter” who truly loves her.
Reach out to her and include her in activities and travel plans, if possible. Make her feel like there’s no one in the world who could take her place in her son’s life, not even you.
3. She does not agree with your life decisions
Maybe you’re a working mom and she wants you to choose part-time work to spend more time with the kids. Try to hear her out, but be firm in your decisions for your own life and for your family’s life. It’s natural for her to think she knows better because she’s been a mom longer than you, but try to look for ways to show her that you appreciate her wisdom, but at the end of the day, it is you and your partner who will know what’s best for your family.
If conflicts persist, however, Dr. Fugère’s advice is to put your marriage first, above all else.
We hope this article helps you in restoring harmony and building a great relationship with your mother-in-law. Feel free to share your experiences in the comments below.
READ: 10 simple ways of bonding with your mother-in-law
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