My kids are important, but my world doesn't revolve around them
Now, don't get me wrong. I love my kids, I absolutely adore them, and I think that they're the greatest treasures I have in the world. But after being so consumed with trying to be the 'perfect mom', I realized, the truth of the matter is my life was starting to revolve around my kids, and not only was my marriage starting to fail, but I was slowly losing track of who I really was. I'm a mom, but beyond that I'm also a person with my own dreams and aspirations, and I am also a wife who made a commitment to my husband.
Taking care of my kids full-time was beginning to take its toll on me. I was stressed and grumpy most of the time, and my kids knew it. I started to get angry at my kids more often, and that's when I realized that what I was doing to myself—and my family for that matter—was no longer healthy.
I was turning into someone whose sole purpose in life was to take care of my kids, and nothing else. It made me feel empty, tired, stressed, and I was losing motivation. That's when I decided to start making a change in my life.
Focus on yourself, so you can be better for your kids
The first thing I did was learning to trust my kids more. I realized that most of my stress and paranoia comes from the fact that I wanted to control my kids, rather than take care of them. I wasn't being a mother, I was just bossing them around.
I started to become more lenient towards my kids; we still had house rules and they still follow them, but I became more understanding and flexible to them that I give them time to do what they want – within reasons of course. I let them go out with their friends, and I slowly found myself being stressed way less compared to when I was being a helicopter mom.
I also saw that my kids became more outgoing and happy, and it didn't feel that they were scared of me. It felt like they had more respect for me since I learned to trust them, and I respected their ability to take care of themselves.
Having done those things allowed me to have more time for myself, and other things that I have neglected for a long time. I had more time to take care of myself, I started exercising.
My husband is also pretty happy with the change in my demeanor as we now have more time for romance, and after so many years of being married, we're finally having regular date nights once a week. I feel that focusing on my relationships with the people around me, and instead of just my kids, has made everything better!
I want my kids to be independent
The great thing about stepping back is that your kids will learn to be more independent. Sure, they'll make some mistakes along the way, but that's normal, and that's how they learn. I found that when I was a helicopter parent, my kids relied on me more than anything else, and they had a hard time doing things by themselves. I wasn’t helping them grow up happy and confident by being to overbearing and overprotective.
I want my kids to be independent, which is another reason I slowly stopped making my life revolve around my kids. My kids are important, and I love them, but they are their own persons, just as I am my own. I want them to learn, grow, and understand who they want to be.
Now that I’ve learned that there’s more to being a parent that parenting, I became happier, so are my kids and my husband. And at the end of the day, their happiness, our happiness as a family is ultimately what’s important.
READ: Prioritize your wife above these 5 people!
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