5 things we can learn from Doug and Chesca Kramer for a lasting marriage
Doug and Chesca have been together or 13 years, and their relationship is as strong as ever. Find out how they deal with fights, here.
They've been together for 13 years, but Doug and Chesca Kramer are far from the perfect couple.
The parents of internet sweethearts Kendra, Scarlet Doll, and Gavin spoke about marriage in an interview on Yan ang Mommy, where they admitted they still have their issues as a married couple.
But, they said, they always make it a point to respect each other--even when they fight.
Here are a few insights from Doug and Chesca's experiences:
Never let the sun set without making peace
According to Chesca, Doug is the type of guy who wants to resolve problems right away, while she needs more time to cool down.
“Si Doug, gusto niya, pinag-uusapan agad-agad. Ako naman, 'No babe. Hindi talaga puwedeng ngayon kasi mainit ang ulo ko sa 'yo. Baka mayroon akong masabing pagsisihan ko.'”
(Doug wants to talk about it right away. But I [say], 'No babe. We really can't [talk] now because I am still too angry and I might say something I'll regret.)
This, however, does not mean that this adorable couple will let a fight last an entire day.
“Together na kami ni Chesca since 2003, 13 years na. Not even one day ang nag-pass na hindi kami nagkaayos. Ayaw naming tumagal. Ako rin, lumalapit rin ako and I say 'sorry.' Give space pero ayusin niyo. Kung pinatagal niyo ng isang araw, hindi kayo nag-uusap, masasanay kayo,” Douglas said.
(Chesca and I have been together since 2003. It's been 13 years. Not a day has passed that we did not make peace. We don't want [fights] to extend. I say sorry. Give space but fix things. If you let [a fight] last an entire day, you don't talk, you'll get used to that.)
Click next for more marriage insights from the Kramers
Be careful with your words
“Sa couples, importante na maingat kayo sa mga sinasabi niyo kasi kung sanay kayong laging masama ang sinasabi sa isa't isa, cause din 'yan ng pagkawala ng pagmamahal mo sa asawa mo kasi nasanay ka na disrespectful ka. Para makaiwas ako na may masabi, hindi kami nag-uusap agad,” Chesca said.
(Couples need to be careful with what they say because if you get used to always saying bad things to each other, that will cause you to fall out of love with your spouse because you got used to being disrespectful. So to avoid saying [hurtful things], we don't talk right away.)
Make time for each other
A photo posted by Doug Kramer (@dougkramer44) on
Time for each other seems to be a sore issue between Doug and Chesca, with Doug admitting that his lack of time for her has been one of Chesca's complaints in the past.
"Doon kami minsan nag-aaway. Gusto kasi ni Chesca ng time. 'Yun ang love language niya. Ako naman, kapag galing ako ng practice, spend time ako with kids kasi early night pa. Pero after that, kapag late night na, kaming mag-asawa naman. Pero gusto ni Chesca, talagang a lot of time,” Doug revealed.
(That's what we fight about sometimes. Chesca wants time. That is her love language. After [basketball] practice, I spend time with the kids because it's still early at night. But after that, when it's late at night already, it's time for us as husband and wife. But Chesca wants a lot of time.)
Next page: Doug and Chesca's thoughts setting a good examples for their kids, and understanding each other's love language
Understanding your spouse's love language
Chesca, however, was quick to explain why she loves spending time with her husband.
"Naturally, madaldal ako. Gusto ko laging may kausap, marami akong gustong sabihin—thoughts ko at feelings ko. Lagi kong sinasabi sa husband ko na, be happy na I crave for your attention and I need your attention because you're an extension of my soul. You're an extension of my thoughts. When I tell you something, I'm saying it as if sinasabi ko sa sarili ko. Kasi we're one.”
(Naturally, I am talkative. I want to have someone to talk to, I have a lot of things to say--my thoughts and my feelings. I always tell my husband to be happy that I crave for your attention and I need your attention because you're an extension of my soul...I'm saying it as if I'm saying it to myself. Because we are one.)
“When I want your time, it doesn't mean I'm comparing you to other people. I'm comparing to your goodness. Because I know there's still more,”Chesca also said.
Set a good example
Having a good marriage is Doug and Chesca's way of setting a good example for their kids.
"It's important that you become a good husband or a good wife to your spouse because that will be an example to your children. When they look for a partner, they will look for somebody just like you," Chesca explained.
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