True friendships offer great support to married couples. Even though maintaining them takes effort, having true friends with similar interests, who genuinely care, provides couples a way to keep growing as individuals. They also make it possible to have someone to confide to, especially when it comes to tricky marital issues. Sometimes though, it’s tough to draw the line between issues that shouldn’t be any of your business. As a trusted friend, how would you deal with alarming information that could potentially ruin your friend’s marriage?
This is the situation a theAsianparent Community user, who chose to remain anonymous, found herself in.
“My best friend just told she is having an affair,” she wrote, seeking the advice of fellow parents on the Q&A forum app. “She has no plans to leave her husband or family but she wants to have a child with her lover (and pretend it’s her husband). I am beyond disgusted. Should i tell her husband. I am also friends with him.”
“This is definitely a tough call for you,” wrote R. Gosh, a mom of four. “As a friend she confided in you, so you need to maintain that privacy. Try to talk her out of it. I would probably just hope it blows over soon!”
“OMG, this sounds awful. I’m sorry but i cant understand why in the world would she want something like that? i think you should really talk to her and ask her what her thoughts are,” responded Ling F.
Some suggested that the anonymous user try to talk some sense into her cheating friend and if she still doesn’t listen. They should tell her husband anonymously.
If you find yourself in this situation, you need to ask yourself: ‘Am I ready to cause my friend, who I care about, more pain? Is it truly my business to reveal this? Is this really for the good of everyone?’ suggests Mark. D. White, Ph.D. of Psychology Today.
You can also try working with your cheating friend in order for them to realize just how hurtful it is to keep on cheating. Set boundaries and remind them that you are not willing to lie for them, especially at the expense of a friendship.
Though it can become a burden to keep a secret and lie for a friend. Remember, it’s not about you. This is a crisis separate from you, no matter how close you are to the couple. Be clear and honest that this is a difficult situation you have found yourself in. No one likes being caught in the middle. Reassure your friend that there is still hope for things to get better.
Care for her, but don’t coddle her. We could all benefit from ‘tough love’ every now and then. Be frank, if you believe what she’s doing is wrong. You could save her and her husband a lot of heartache in the future. Intervene when you are asked to, in order to maintain your trusting relationship. It may be tough especially when your friend is betraying her husband, who you care about, too. But try your best to empathize without judgment.
What are your thoughts, moms and dads? What you do if you found yourself in the same situation?
READ: Are you cheating? 10 ways you are unknowingly being unfaithful
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