There are a lot of things we still can’t fully understand about why someone would cheat. The latest of which is their apparent, subconscious need to be caught cheating. According to a poll conducted by Victoria Milan, an extramarital affair website, most of those who cheat could not care less if they’re found out.
Surveying more than 11,000 users, researchers found that their cheating habits showed they were pretty shameless. Only 12% confessed feeling “very afraid” of getting caught by their partner. 75% were “somewhat afraid,” while only 13% were “not afraid at all.”
64% of those surveyed have sent naughty texts with the person they’re cheating with while their partner was in the same room!
A whopping 64% of them have sent naughty texts with the person they’re cheating with while their partner was in the same room!
Though this may be alarming, relationship expert Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. this isn’t surprising.
“These days, people are in such a state of divided attention that there’s a natural distance even though they are in physical proximity,” she explains to Women’s Health. “It makes for a feeling of safeness and distance.”
But would it be fair too assume that, based on their brazenness, that they actually want to get caught? Kirschner thinks so, even if this yearning is mostly subconscious.
The subconscious yearning to get caught cheating
Kirschner does clarify that, in some cases, the need to get cheating is motivated by the hope that it will revive a seemingly loveless relationship.
“After a relationship is hanging in the bounds like that, there can be new levels of appreciation and sexual contact,” she shares, clarifying that this isn’t always the case. She also views this subconscious need to get caught as a way to get out of a relationship they no longer want to be in, when they can’t find the courage to leave. “So they subconsciously want to be found out in order to be ‘released,'” she added.
Brett Kahr, a psychoanalytic psychotherapist and couples counselor, takes a similar approach.
“The safety of commitment feels like deadness,” he tells the Daily Mail. “The affair gives people the illusion they have become enlivened.”
For couples who want to escape a relationship that no longer makes them happy, it’s best to confront issues head on. This does not mean staying in a loveless, or abusive marriage, but simply being mature enough to speak openly with your partner, without seeking out an escape. From there, with the help of family, friends, or a therapist, you can decide whether your relationship is worth saving or if it’s time to move on.
We hope you found this article enlightening. We’d love to hear from you! Do share your thoughts in the comments below.
READ: Huli ka! Parents share their stories about being cheated on
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