In any marriage, it’s normal for husbands and wives to have expectations of one another. Married couples expect their spouses to be able to support them in their endeavours and to provide them with love, understanding, and respect.
While these expectations are well and good, some husbands and wives can tend to have too many expectations in marriage. This can be problematic since not all marriages are perfect, and having too many and extremely high expectations in marriage isn’t good for the relationship.
Why does this happen, and what should couples do in order to avoid this pitfall?
Expectations in marriage: when are they too much?
Have you ever fought with your spouse because of too many expectations in marriage?
Married couples expect a lot of things from each other. Husbands and wives both want to have the so-called “perfect marriage“; a marriage that fits all of their expectations of what a marriage should really be. And in a way, that’s okay since both husbands and wives need their expectations to be satisfied by one another so that they can have fulfillment in their marriage.
But, like most things in life, marriages aren’t perfect. People make mistakes; sometimes husbands fail to notice their wives’ needs, and sometimes wives fail to recognize their husbands’ efforts.
In most cases, these can lead to minor disagreements, and couples usually bounce back from those pretty quick. But for couples who have too many expectations in their marriage, it can be a source of deep-seated negativity about their relationship.
Think of it like this, have you ever expected your husband to give you a gift that you’ve always wanted only to be disappointed when he got you the wrong gift? You felt bad because you expected to get your amazing gift but he gave you another thing instead.
In relationships wherein people expect too much from each other, a similar thing happens, but since they expect so much from each other, even minor disappointment can lead to a lot of arguments and fighting. It slowly starts to build up, and as a result, couples start to become hostile towards one another.
What can married couples do?
The first thing couples should know about expectations in marriage is that their marriage doesn’t have to be perfect. This doesn’t mean that couples need to lower their expectations, what this means is that couples need to know what their partners are capable of doing, and align their expectations towards those abilities.
Talk to each other, share your expectations of one another and figure out how the both of you can compromise. Communication is important in a marriage, and letting your spouse know how you feel about certain things can help them better understand your needs, and vice versa.
Now you might be wondering, “How about those situations wherein we can’t find a compromise? What can we do?” In situations like that, the best thing to do would be to just take it as it is.
No marriage is perfect, and both you and your husband aren’t perfect people. What that means is that there are certain problems or conflict in your relationship that you can’t really resolve, no matter how hard you try, and that’s totally okay!
The reality is that things won’t always happen the way you want them to be, and it’s best to focus on the things that are working for you and your husband instead of trying to fix every little problem.
At the end of the day, the most important thing is that your marriage is strong and intact, and you have a deeper understanding and love for one another.
Sources: npr.org, rd.com
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