While we are already familiar with the term mom shaming, where a mother’s way of giving birth, breastfeeding, or raising her child receives harsh criticism, it turns out that men can also experience something similar. A father’s role in caring for children should be encouraged and supported, not undermined through dad shaming, which can make fathers feel insecure about parenting their child.
A father’s role is crucial to a child’s development, and their involvement is considered just as important as the mother’s. However, the parenting style of fathers often receives criticism and ridicule from those around them, including possibly from the mother herself.
This kind of negative criticism is referred to as dad shaming, which can ultimately cause fathers to lose confidence or even become reluctant to participate in raising their child.
This is also supported by a study from the University of Michigan, which stated that men who receive criticism while interacting with their children tend to feel less confident and lack sufficient motivation to become involved in parenting.
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Dad-Shaming: Criticism Reduces Father’s Role in Parenting
Common Forms of Dad-Shaming That Often Go Unnoticed
Dad-shaming, or criticism of a father’s parenting style, can be either verbal or non-verbal. In fact, these criticisms can even come in the form of jokes.
A father who receives such remarks might seem to respond casually, even laughing along with you. However, deep down, his self-confidence may be eroded, leading him to withdraw from contributing further to raising the child.
Some examples of dad-shaming:
- “Careful, don’t carry the baby like that—they might fall.”
- “Don’t feed the child while playing. They’re more focused on the toy than the food.”
- “No wonder the kid is so naughty. The father’s never home and doesn’t spend time with them. Might as well stop calling if it’s just video calls.”
- “Looks like the dad never takes them out. The kid doesn’t seem happy.”
- “The kid is so skinny. Probably always getting scolded by the father.”
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Support Moms Can Give to Dads
Child and adolescent psychologist Saskhya Prima shared in an Instagram story by Tiga Generasi that there are several ways for moms to become their husband’s main supporter. This support helps fathers feel more motivated and confident in participating in child-rearing. Some ways include:
1. Don’t compare your husband to others
This means moms should avoid comparing their husband’s parenting to that of other men. Every father has his own best way of raising his children.
Also, avoid comparing your household to others. Besides potentially lowering your husband’s confidence as a parent, it can also damage your relationship as a couple.
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2. Divide parenting responsibilities
This means assigning fatherhood tasks that fit your unique family situation. Cooperation between mom and dad is essential.
Decide together when the child should spend time with their mother and when it’s time for bonding with their father.
3. Be patient
Every action takes time to yield results. Therefore, moms should be patient with the father’s involvement in parenting.
4. Offer guidance, not mockery
Everyone makes mistakes—fathers included. When a dad does something wrong, try to gently explain it rather than snapping. Point out the mistake calmly and offer helpful suggestions to correct it.
Becoming a great father is no easy journey. That’s why every dad needs positive support from moms and the people around them to fulfill that role.
Hope this information is helpful.
Originally published on theAsianparent Indonesia