REAL STORIES: "I love my partner, but I couldn't stand it in his parents' house."

Some of us were in the comfort of our own homes during the pandemic. But for some, being in someone else’s home was a nightmare. One mom shares how staying in her partner’s parents’ house during the pandemic left her feeling trapped.

In her story, you’ll read:

• How they got stuck there for three months
• Her reasons for not liking it there
• How did she make it home?

This pandemic took away everything we used to do in the past. Hindi lang ‘yon, even our mental health. I was one of those who were terribly affected.

Before the pandemic, my life was just so simple. I was a homebody, I only go out when it’s really necessary. When my friends would invite me to go out, they’d always say, “Sama ka na. Minsan lang naman ito.”

And I always said no, to which they reply, “Dati naman always go ka lang.” It’s true. Way back in college, I was always the one planning and asking them to go out. But adulting hit me hard, and I’ve changed my ways since then. But if I knew that the pandemic was going to happen, I should’ve made the most of the time I had. Nasa huli talaga ang pagsisisi.

Stuck in my partner’s house during the pandemic

When the first case in our country was reported, we were at my partner’s parents’ house. Before that, I already told my partner that I wanted to go home, but he convinced me to stay for one more day. And then it happened.

I knew there was a big possibility to have a strict lockdown, so I told my partner’s mom that we would be going home before it happens.

But she informed me that my partner said we won’t be leaving yet. I felt disappointed at that time but I didn’t show it. I think this is where it all started.

Then news about the lockdown came. Two weeks! At first I thought, “Two weeks lang ‘yan! Makakauwi rin kayo!” But then it got extended for another two weeks! I was starting to panic as I really didn’t want to stay there. I was feeling trapped.

My reasons for not liking it there

Don’t get me wrong. My partner’s family, they are very good to me. They treated me like I’m already part of them even though we aren’t married yet. But there are instances when they are too controlling and very overprotective towards my child.

“Huwag mong hayaan kumain mag-isa, baka mabulunan.”
“Huwag mong patakbuhin sa labas, madadapa.”
“Hindi pa pwede kumain niyan ang bata.”

I don’t like it when that happens. It’s my child and I know what is good for him and what is not. I’m teaching him to be independent for his own good.

I don’t want to go into details, but they do it a lot. They treat every kid in their house as a small baby. Even the teenagers still get spoon-fed sometimes.

Also, I can’t do anything in that house. There was no internet and we only had to rely on our mobile phone’s data. Whenever I try to help out and clean the room, they stop me from doing so. I can’t offer to cook because my partner’s sibling is very picky when it comes to food, and it’s not my kitchen.

So I started getting irritable, to the point that I would sometimes shout at my son. There are times when I would just stare into space, thinking about when this pandemic would end.

I was feeling trapped in that house. I just really wanted to go home where nobody would be watching my every move. I felt that everyone was against me.

So I got depressed. I didn’t want to eat. I didn’t want to take care of myself. I just wanted everything to end, because what’s the point?

Trying so hard to be positive

But I fought these negative things in my head – feeling trapped and feeling like the whole world was against me.  And I fought hard because my child needs me. So I decided to focus on him. I thought of different ways to entertain and teach him while we were there.

We were struggling financially since my partner lost his job due to the pandemic. So to save money, I used different colored papers to make shapes.

We took advantage of the wide backyard to look at the trees and sing lullabies, and we also looked at the passing vehicles, birds, and airplanes in the sky to pass the time.

But at the end of the day, I still feel like what I’m doing was not yet enough. I feel like it’s my fault why my child doesn’t get to experience being outside, meeting new kids, and having fun playing with them. It was frustrating.

And all of my frustrations, outbursts, my partner would be on the receiving end. It even came to a point when he asked me,

“Ayaw mo na ba sakin? Hindi mo na ba ko mahal?”

I never wanted him to feel that way. I was too busy dealing with my own struggles that I didn’t know my partner was feeling bad too. But I chose to be honest to him. I told him I really wanted to go home. I didn’t feel like I have a voice in that home. Nobody listens to me.

My partner comforted me, but I didn’t get the assurance I needed – that we would go home once it’s allowed. And I get it. He loves being there.

Why wouldn’t he? He was with his family. And he was happy that our son could bone with his family. I was happy about that too, but my home is my comfort zone.

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May 16, 2020 – General Community Quarantine (GCQ) was declared in our area.

When I heard that, sobrang tuwa ko. Finally! I immediately told kay partner that we can go home. He didn’t want to, but I clearly told him that I did, and he had no choice but to agree.

I informed my partner’s mom and she didn’t say anything because her son had already broken the news to her. But I can tell she was disappointed. I kinda felt bad, but I needed to think about myself first. I needed my peace of mind.

It was all set. They would bring us home at lunchtime. And when that day came, I had all our things ready. We were just waiting to go home. But then, my partner’s mother announced, “May barricade banda sa crossing.”

I felt really low that time. I just wanted to go home. I locked myself up in the room we were staying in and cried my heart out. I felt trapped and worse, I felt like they were lying to me.

So I talked to my mother, sister, and Tita. They knew about my situation – they are aware that I was dealing with postpartum depression again.

Because I told them. I was scared of the thought of ending my own life, so I reached out to them. They were the ones who helped and kept me sane the entire time.

They found a way to pick us up the next day. They rented a van. When I told my partner’s mother about it, she was surprised. She was not expecting that.

And we were able to go home that day and saw that there was no barricade at Crossing. I get that they wanted us to stay longer, but lying to me about it crossed the line.

But nevertheless, I survived it. Three months of being in my partner’s parents’ house, feeling trapped. It felt like a year. Even up to now, whenever I think about it, I still don’t want to live there. Like I said, they treat me well but nakaka-suffocate rin ang pagiging mabait.

Also, my son finally got to meet new kids! At first, he was a little too excited. But he’s just a sweet boy who loves to give hugs! And he finally has a little brother to play with.