Are you a mom of an energetic and amazing boy? Are you struggling with connecting with him and establishing a good bond as a mother and son?
What can you read in this article?
- Mama’s boys perform better in school
- How to bond with your son as a mother?
Oftentimes, mothers would find their selves in the dark when it comes to communicating with their sons. Maybe because boys often have more similarities of interest with their fathers and girls are more likely to bond with their mothers.
But having a mother-son bonding is not so difficult at all! Here are quick tips on how you can strengthen your relationship with your son and how having this strong bond can help your son grow and develop better!
Let’s kickstart your road to being the best Mama your son could ever have!
Mama’s boys perform better in school
According to Kate Stone Lombardi, author of The Mama’s Boy Myth: Why Keeping Our Sons Close Makes Them Stronger if your son has a close relationship with you, he’s most likely to perform better in school. He’ll also be more prone to enjoy better mental health and to become successful in both his personal and work life.
A study conducted by the University of Reading also showed that children, particularly boys, who have insecure attachments to their moms during their early childhood are more likely to have behavioral difficulties later in life.
How to bond with son as a mother? | Image from Shutterstock
According to Dr. Pasco Fearon of the School of Psychology and Clinical Language Sciences,
“Analysis showed that children with insecure attachments to their mothers, particularly boys, had significantly more behavioral problems, even when the behavioral problems were measured years later.”
The quality of a child’s bond with their parents is critical to their development, although previous research on the link between attachment and development has been inconsistent.
It was difficult to acquire a clear image because of the volume, variety, and diversity of previous investigations. This current study, on the other hand, was able to bring together evidence from previous studies to answer several fundamental questions about attachment.
According to the attachment theory, children with secure bonds expect and receive support and comfort from their caregivers. Children with insecure attachments, on the other hand, have their demands rebuffed, denied, or replied to inconsistently, making them open to developing behavioral disorders.
How to bond with your son as a mother?
Moms of boys might find it difficult to make a connection with their sons whose interests are a stark contrast to their feminine preferences. However, there are several ways that allow you to get around this challenge and to forge a strong bond with your charming little boy.
1. Play Rough and Tough
If there’s one thing that strikes you about boys, it has to be that they are often rough and are mischievous balls of energy! That is simply how most boys are wired. Yet, there is something loveable about them when they give you a cheeky smile on those grimy faces.
The only way to quickly establish a connection with them is to rough it out with them — play the action games that they enjoy, join in on their soccer games, or pretend to be in a scene from the Superman movie.
Never be hesitant to demonstrate a couple of your karate moves, regardless of whether you have received formal training or not. The first time you hear or see your boy laugh (boys don’t giggle as we do!) or see his eyes widen with adoration, you know you’ve struck up a spontaneous connection with him.
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2. Speak your boy’s lingo
When your son talks about his favorite Ninjago character or about how Ben 10 battles the monstrous squid-like Vilgax, you’re probably just nodding along with him, as are most mothers.
However, if you do this on a regular basis and combine it with additional dismissive conduct, your son may become withdrawn, denying you the opportunity to build a relationship with him.
So what do you do?
Allow yourself to set your personal preferences and judgments aside and express a little more interest in your son’s hobbies and interests. If you have to look it up on Google to find out more about it, do so.
The small amount of time and effort you invest into getting to know his hobbies is insignificant when weighed against the rewards of having something in common that the two of you can enjoy.
For example, if he’s into playing Valorant, you may want to read up on Valorant skins, armor, and points. The same is true with Minecraft, Roblox, and Call of Duty. There are a lot of Youtube videos talking about how to play the game so it would definitely be easy for you to catch up.
3. Give him time and space to talk
Always strike a conversation with your son. You can talk while driving home from school or when you tuck him into bed at night. Ask how his day was or if he has had trouble in school.
You can also talk about the meals and snacks he wants for the week, or if he has any activity in mind that you can do on the weekends.
Encourage and bring up conversations where you can get to know him as he also gets to know you.
By opening a line of communication with your son early, your child may grow up to be someone who welcomes conversations with mum as opposed to someone who dreads them. Soon, you will see how your son continues to be open to you despite being older and having a life of his own.
In cases of argument, make time for your son to talk to you. Find a time when both of you can be alone and go to a place where your son will feel comfortable and unthreatened. Resist the urge to talk over your son, to talk down to your son, and instead listen to his thoughts and feelings, regardless of the topic.
It is best to let the room cool down first before talking so both of you feel better and calmer before talking about it. In the course of reprimanding your child while you are enraged by anything your kid did, you are more likely to yell or say something you don’t intend.
Don’t forget to praise your kid too! For example, when he takes his finished plate to the sink without you asking him to, you can say, “Thank you for putting away your plate. It’s a big help for Mama.” Children must understand when they have done something wrong—as well as when they have done something great. Notice the good things they do and reward them – it doesn’t matter if it’s through words or material things, it’s you seeing them that matters the most.
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4. Share how you both feel
As a child, your son may find it difficult to express himself or his emotions in an orderly fashion. So, if he’s feeling angry or upset, instead of a proper dialogue, he may opt for more aggressive behavior towards you. If not received in a calm manner, this may lead to the situation blowing up and crossing in your relationship.
In order to prevent this, be a good role model to him. Show him how you would react when in an unpleasant situation yourself and discuss things with him. Express how you’re feeling and encourage him to share his feelings with you too.
If he is not used to expressing himself through words, you can guide him by teaching him how to label feelings and translate them into words, phrases, or sentences.
For example, if he is frowning and has his arms crossed in front of him, you can say, “You seem mad because you are frowning and have your arms crossed in front of you. Is there something bothering you?”
This way, he learns to identify his emotions and you can help validate his feelings, while at the same time gently guiding him to deal with his emotions the right way.
5. Never forget the power of cuddling!
One minute your son is Superman, the next he’s Iron Man, no matter how invincible he may want to be though, nothing beats getting a warm, loving hug from mom. Hugs and cuddles help reassure your son that he is loved, cared for and give him a sense of safety when with you.
Of course, do not go to the extreme and cuddle your son. Hug him enough to remind him that he is loved and that you will always be there for him.
NPR, University of Reading