Pop…My baby girl Rainy popped out after 10 months of baking in my tummy. She was delivered full-term at 36 weeks, in Nov 2020.
At the time, my boy Luke–about 4.5-years-old–was still trying to adjust between “My mummy cannot carry me due to a big tummy that has a baby inside,” and sharing mummy’s love from now on.
My firstborn won’t let me carry my own daughter!
Image source: iStock
He used to get all the attention he wanted because he was mummy’s only love besides Papa. Yes, he is our universe, but it was not going to be the same anymore.
My priority and attention were shifting and he was feeling it right away.
He had never slept without me but when I delivered my girl, he cried himself to bed, telling Papa that “he missed mummy and ‘MeiMei’ (sister in Chinese).”
Suddenly Luke felt that mummy no longer loved him! He wondered: “Why is my mummy only taking care of MeiMei and not me?”
He didn’t allow me to carry MeiMei, I wanted him to only carry him and let daddy carry MeiMei. Now that my big tummy is gone, I have to carry him like I used to.
I was not expecting all this to happen, I was lost at times like that.
He used to get so jealous that he will run towards me, whenever I would get down to carry MeiMei or if I uttered the words: “MeiMei, mama will carry you.” And before I knew it, I would find him in my arms.
He would sit on my lap and tell me, “Mummy will carry me, Daddy will carry MeiMei.”
“I wanted to carry MeiMei but I couldn’t”
I was pretty shocked at first but slowly come to the realisation that he was trying to snatch his mummy back. He was always in action and ready to charge whenever possible.
MeiMei was not latching too well. So, I decide to pump and bottle feed. Daddy will do the feeding so that I can catch some rest. Luke was smart enough to realize that Daddy can do the feeding, mummy only needs to pump.
I wanted to carry MeiMei but I couldn’t. I wanted to find a way out, and though to myself: “What should I do?” “How can I express myself and not let him feel that I love MeiMei more than him?”
I just wanted to carry and cuddle my daughter like I did my son when he was younger.
He just doesn’t know how much I have hugged and kissed him when he was a baby. But now he is seeing it because he is a little grown-up. He tells me that “It is not fair.” “Why do I only kiss and hug MeiMei but not him anymore?”
I am speechless.
Jas’s touching story of a Mother’s love
Image source: Jas Tan
I came to realize that I expected Luke to be understanding as he is a big brother now and should give in to his sister.
In the process, I forgot that he is just a kid after all. For instance, I expected him to share his pillow with his sister. But he would run into his blanket and cry out to say: “That was my pillow.”
Did I pass all my love to MeiMei? I love them both equally. So why did this happen?
I felt so guilty by his actions because for me it was just a pillow. (By the way, he has more than enough pillows enough – at least three on my bed). “Can’t I just borrow one for MeiMei, what is the big deal?” I wondered.
To him, it was a very big deal. To him, it meant that I didn’t love him anymore.
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I had to educate him about his younger sister
It took me a while to realise that Luke was going through a lot of changes and I had to educate him about a younger sister – a sibling as well as a lifetime friend. I found a solution and explained it to him in a way so that he understood my point.
I kept my fingers crossed and prayed that he would truly understand where I was coming from. I told him that I loved MeiMei for only five months, but I’ve loved him for five years. “I love you more than MeiMei. Mummy’s love will last forever and you will always win over MeiMei by 4.5 years,” I told him.
To this, he responded: “You love me more than MeiMei!” He got it, his attitude towards MeiMei saw a 360-degree change.
Luke went on to tell me, “You love me a lot, so I will love MeiMei a lot too. You’ve loved me for five years, and MeiMei for only five months. It is okay, I will also love MeiMei. We will love MeiMei together, and be are a happy family.”
I learnt a lot about him that day. He is a sensible boy and am thankful to God for blessing me with the two of them. Seeing both of them was the most enjoyable moment of my life.
Luke’s love towards his sister is a miracle and a blessing
Now that MeiMei is about eight-months-old, Luke kisses her and lets her know that he loves her and misses her when he goes to school.
Whenever he is back from school he will talk to MeiMei and update her about his progress, or what learnt in school that day. I doubt that MeiMei understands what he is trying to tell her, but that’s not important. As long as he is no longer jealous of MeiMei, I am relieved.
I used to tell Luke that “When MeiMei is drinking mama’s neh neh she is number one, if not then you are number one.” Unknowingly, he seems more mature than I imagined.
He always wanted to be #1 but now Meimei is #1. He told me that he wants to be #2, because #2 is bigger and greater than #1. His wisdom amazes me.
What can I say?
Don’t neglect your eldest when you have a younger child, they deserve as much love. Mummy’s unconditional love should be more than abundant to share equally between them.
Try to educate or communicate more with the elder child, as one day, they will understand mummy’s love.
Love, Mummy Jas Tan.
This article was written by VIP Parent Jas Tan for theAsianparent.
Republished with permission from theAsianparent Singapore
