How to deal when your marriage doesn't feel like 'happily ever after'

Should settling down mean settling? Is your marriage not as romantic as you were expecting it to be? Here are some ways to make coping a bit easier

We previously explored how the beauty of marriage lies in difficulties. But what of the marriage that suddenly feels uneventful and stiflingly ordinary? How can you cope when reality seems to have robbed you of the “happy ending” you always pictured?

The first thing to do is to reassess your expectations, advises FamilyLife.com. Think back to the day you exchanged vows. Chances are you made grand promises, probably inspired by your favorite love songs and movies. But now, that day seems like a lifetime ago and you’re just faced with the sameness of every day. You’re bored and you’re just going through the motions.

All marriages will experience happy and difficult times, but what matters is not losing hope.

photo: pexels

To help make it easier to get out of this non-romantic rut, Family Share stress the importance of distinguishing between reality and fiction. Your life isn’t a romantic comedy nor should you want it to be. Reality can be so much better if you learn to embrace the little things. Love often means having to embrace routine and appreciate the stability of being in a lasting, committed relationship.

Don’t put too much pressure on yourself or your partner to work hard at keeping the “fire of romance burning,” as trying to meet high expectations can cause you to “burn out.”

Embracing all the phases of marriage does not mean you should settle for a lack of romance. YourTango suggests that you need to strive to work through certain issues to make way for you and your partner to become more connected. First, get rid of hindrances, like anger and resentment. Next, you should work at building the trust in your relationship. Lastly, you should work at redefining your own definition of romance based on your partner’s attitude towards it.

Once you set the stage, you can go on with loving gestures that help spark the romance, like complimenting your spouse, spending time together, exchanging meaningful gifts, writing love letters, or simply having a deep heart-to-heart conversation.

We hope that this has helped you in some way! We’d love to hear from you in the comments below.

READ: 6 Tips and tricks for keeping the magic alive in your marriage

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Bianchi Mendoza

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