Fights are inevitable in any marriage. And sometimes, particularly big fights can cause a married couple to hold grudges against each other, and if not dealt with properly, those grudges can cause even bigger fights which can permanently damage your relationship.
Why is forgiveness so important?
Grudges are a terrible thing. Grudges only serve to remind you of a past hurt or mistake, and can only make you feel stressed, angry, and frustrated.
Sometimes, it can even turn into hate and bitterness, and you definitely do not want to have those feelings towards your spouse. Grudges also wear you down, and can affect both your physical and mental health.
Forgiveness is a way for you to let go of your grudges, past hurts, and grievances. It’s a way to move on, let go, and make peace with your spouse, as well as with yourself.
How can we learn to forgive?
Learning to forgive can sometimes be difficult. Some people find it easy to let go of petty fights, but when it comes to big problems, they keep it all inside, which causes problems in their relationship.
Here are some steps that you can take so that you can learn to forgive:
- Be open, and more trusting of your spouse. Trust is important in a marriage, and trusting that your spouse won’t hurt you, or make the same mistakes can help you learn to forgive.
- Make an effort to forgive your spouse. Your decision to forgive your spouse should be from the heart, and you have to mean it. Not being 100% committed to forgiveness means that you’re still holding on to a grudge.
- Whenever you start to remember a past betrayal, or something that your spouse did to hurt you, try and keep calm. Don’t let it cloud your judgment, and try to distract yourself from remembering those thoughts that make you feel bad.
- Revenge isn’t the answer. Remember, two wrongs don’t make a right, so taking revenge on your spouse for a past mistake won’t make you ‘even’. It’ll only serve to cause more problems in your relationship.
- Forgive, but don’t forget. You can forgive your spouse for hurting you, or betraying your trust, but that doesn’t mean that you’ll just forget what they did. Make sure your spouse is really sincere when they ask for your forgiveness, and that they will never do it again.
How can you ask for forgiveness?
On the other hand, asking for forgiveness is just as important as learning to forgive. Asking for forgiveness takes a lot of humility, and admitting your mistakes.
Here are some ways of asking your spouse for forgiveness:
- Be honest, and tell your wife why you did what you did, and that you’re sorry about what happened.
- Make sure to never repeat the hurtful behavior that you did. Asking for forgiveness is also a promise that you will never do the same mistake again.
- Accept the consequences. If your spouse decides to not talk to you for a while, or act cold towards you, then accept it. Forgiving people is difficult, and you can’t immediately expect your spouse to forgive you just because you said sorry.
- Be sincere. Don’t say sorry just to end an argument, or just to stop a fight. Be sincere, and learn from your own mistakes.
- Work on your relationship. If you did something to break your spouse’s trust in you, then make sure to do everything that you can in order to make things right. Your marriage might not be as it was before, but it’s important to always remember that you can still make things work.
READ: Simply saying ‘sorry’ can do wonders for your marriage. Here’s why