Me and my hubby have been together for 14 years, we became a couple way back May 2007, got married by February 2019, and had a baby last November 2020. Our friends have been witnesses of our relationship from the very start and until now, they’ve seen all our ups and downs as a couple.
Living together before marriage
At first we didn’t expect to last long let alone be married and start a family, we were just ordinary couple who celebrate monthsaries, valentine’s day, and anniversaries. We have fights every now and then and we’ve also had breakups both minor “cold shoulder” a few days break up (more like cool off) and major break ups (those that lasted for months).
Living together before marriage | Image from Mommy Ronica
Every time we break up, I cry, I mourn, I feel bitter, etc. we even get to a point where we’ve already moved in with our lives, but when our path crosses, it’s as if there is an invisible string that pulls us back together and every time we get back together, our relationships become stronger.
The last major break up we had was around 2014, our relationship was okay but we we’re both not growing as individuals anymore and so I called it quits, he was so devastated that he tried to get back with me as soon as possible but as weeks pass be he realized that I don’t want to get back with him anymore, months had passed and then we saw each other during a joy ride with friends, we both got invited that day, we saw each other and started talking again, after a few days he asked me out again and we started dating again.
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Our growth
We were both doing great especially him, he lost weight, changed his hair style, he was studying for a master’s degree, and is planning to start a business. I started to fall in love with him again and so I planned a surprise for him on our booked tour to Bohol, I had someone do some arrangements in our hotel room, when we got there he was damn surprised seeing our room full of balloons with photos of us tied in the strings, there are petals of roses on the floor and in our bed that formed the words “I love you” and there’s even a chilled wine and some glasses on the coffee table.
That was the first time I made him cry out of joy and it was so worth it, that was the moment we became a couple again and from then on we got better both as individuals and as a couple. We still had major fights but it’s because we are already trying to settle our indifferences since our relationship has gotten deeper than ever.
We started to fit each other into our own lives, started to bring each other to family gatherings, travel together, stay at each other’s house overnight, etc.
Living together before marriage | Image from Mommy Ronica
The proposal
After a few years he planned an epic proposal for me in which I really did not expect, since we’re both decided and ready to settle, I was just expecting a simple dinner on a fancy restaurant and he’ll show a ring and ask me to marry him but it wasn’t the case. He hired a photo/video team to film his proposal, rented out a private cinema and invited all our family and friends; he even talked to my family and barkada to become his accomplices.
It was a great success, I did not suspect a single thing about his surprise, I even entered the theater and was not able to recognize the people inside which happened to be my friends seated everywhere. It was so overwhelming that I cried a lot, seeing him kneel in front of me having all of our family and friends as witnesses to this milestone, it was the perfect proposal for me and I still shed a tear every time I recall that moment.
Six months after, we got married (yes we planned our whole wedding in just 6 months!) and it was the happiest time of our lives, we get to seal the deal and officially become one, Mr. and Mrs. Chua.
Our first year of marriage was like a new chapter of our lives, it was the first time that we will wake up beside each other and live every single day together. Since we are already living together, we’ve had a lot of adjusting from our daily routine, our bad habits, and the heaviest of them all–our finances.
I got pregnant but..
It was tough at first but as all couples normally do, we talk it out and meet to a point where we both agree, it’s not necessarily halfway but as long as we both are comfortable with it, that’s where we’ll settle. A few months after our marriage, I got pregnant, we were so excited and happy but after a few weeks I had a miscarriage, it was so sad and tragic for us because it was supposed to be our first baby but he/she did not survive.
I was so affected by it and was afraid that my husband might leave me because of my failure to nurture our baby inside me but no, he was there beside me and helped me get over the pain. He was so supportive and patient despite my irrational behavior, I even had complications during my D&C procedure, it was so bad I had to be rushed to the hospital on a holiday evening (talk about the surge on the hospital rates plus all the doctors were on-call).
I needed time to heal after that, I needed to recover both mentally and physically. But after a few months, I got pregnant again and this time we took it things slowly, I discovered that I was 6 months pregnant when the pandemic started and so we had trouble trying to find an available OB-Gyne to check if the baby is OK.
After 39 weeks, I gave birth to a beautiful and healthy baby girl. This was yet another new chapter of our lives, we had to make a few adjustments again and now that our baby is already 5 months, we’ve already made ourselves comfortable with our new normal, and now we’re a happy family.
Living together before marriage | Image from Mommy Ronica
Key takeaway
The key takeaways I can give out of experience from our 14-year relationship is this: learn how to love yourself first before loving your partner. Embrace each other’s flaws and imperfections.
Support each other’s growth. There is no such thing as “equal”, give and take but never measure what you nor your partner has to give/take. Last but not the least, love each other unconditionally.
Author’s bio
I am a first time mom. I love working out and eating healthy and I am also a breastfeeding advocate.