Parents, are you giving enough time and attention to your kid? Learn the effects of not paying attention to your child and other parenting mistakes to avoid here.
What can you read in this article?
- Effects of ignoring a child
- Signs that your child needs more attention
- Parenting mistakes you should avoid to have a great relationship with your child
Gardens and children need the same things – patience, love, and someone who will never give up on them. – Nicole Sowder
The quote above could not be more true. Children and plants are so alike. For plants, simply watering them is not enough. You need to take the time to look at them, check if any weeds are growing in their area, and pluck these out to make sure your plant and your garden grow beautifully.
The same goes for our kids. We cannot just feed them, clothe them, give them a home and expect them to grow up alright. We need to care for them and nurture them, discipline them if needed, to ensure that they will become happy and responsible human beings. In order to do this, we must be willing to give them the most valuable thing in the world – our time and attention.
Effects of not paying attention to your child
Let’s face it, sometimes work gets in the way of being a parent. And that’s totally fine, but you need to make sure that your child knows that you love them, and you spend quality time with them as much as possible.
As parents, it’s okay to make mistakes, we’re human. But one of the worst parenting mistakes you will ever make is not spending enough time with your child. Because if they don’t and they feel that you’re not paying attention to them, then be prepared to deal with the repercussions later on.
According to Healthline, people who were emotionally neglected in childhood grow up to be adults who suffer from behavioral and emotional issues. They don’t know how to deal with their feelings because their emotional needs weren’t met and validated when they were children.
Some of the effects of childhood neglect are the following:
- They feel insignificant.
- They are most likely to develop post-traumatic stress disorder
- They can show signs of depression
- They become emotionally unavailable
- They are more likely to have an eating disorder
- They shun intimacy or have trouble expressing their feelings
- They feel empty or become perfectionists
- They lack self-discipline
- They have low self-esteem
- They struggle with anger and aggressive behaviors
- They have difficulty trusting others or relying on anyone else
“You’re there, but you’re not really there.”
Parents can also fall into the trap of distracted parenting or plugged-in parenting, where you’re physically spending time with your child, but you’re preoccupied with other things, such as answering a work email or browsing on social media. This can also lead to the negative effects mentioned above.
“Over and over, kids raised the same three examples of feeling hurt and not wanting to show it when their mom or dad would be on their devices instead of paying attention to them: at meals, during pickup after either school or an extracurricular activity, and during sports events,”said Sherry Turkle, director of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology Initiative on Technology and Self.
Signs that your child needs more attention
Is your child being extra clingy or acting out more often? She may be doing this to get your attention. Here are some other signs that your child needs your time:
- They become clingy and show signs of separation anxiety
- Regression, or going back to habits they’ve already outgrown such as thumbsucking, wetting the bed, etc.
- Acting out. According to Child Mind Institute, “Parental attention is so powerful that whatever behavior we pay attention to will increase, even if we’re telling them to stop.”
- Getting overly emotional about little things.
- They get jealous when they see you with others, especially children.
- They become aggressive towards others.
- Something changes with the way they communicate. For instance, they start interrupting conversations or stop sharing about themselves.
If you notice these things in your child, it may be a sign that special “Mom and me” time or “child-daddy bonding time” should be scheduled.
To refrain from neglecting your child, pencil in a dedicated time to just spend with them in your schedule. Make it a regular habit so you don’t forget, regardless of how busy you are. And make sure to remove all distractions when you’re with them and give them your full, undivided attention.
READ MORE:
Wondering if you’re doing enough? Here are the 11 signs of good parenting
Cellphone-distracted parenting can hinder your child’s brain development, says study
Are you always glued to your mobile phone? Study says plugged-in parenting is hurting your family
Other parenting mistakes to avoid
Aside from not paying enough attention, here are other parenting mistakes we should steer clear of to ensure a healthy relationship with our children.
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Being inconsistent
People need a routine, it’s in our nature to follow a specific routine that would help keep us on track when it comes to the things we do every day.
When it comes to children, having a routine and being consistent with parenting can help give your kids a sense of security as well as teach them self-discipline.
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Exposing your child to too much negativity
Negative parenting behavior such as shouting at your child, always showing disapproval, or even hurting them emotionally and physically are things that you should never do as a parent.
These things can traumatize your child, and confuse them since this type of emotional behavior takes away from teaching your child and your child might not understand why you’re angry at them in the first place, which leads to more problems and confusion down the road.
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Fighting in front of your kids
As a child, there might have been a few moments where you might have seen your parents fighting, or you might have seen other couples fighting and arguing.
Can you remember how it made you feel? It feels terrible to see people fight right? It’s way worse if your kids see you and your spouse fighting.
While fights are unavoidable, as much as possible, you should try to keep the discussion civil and don’t do it in front of your kids. Your kids will know if you’re upset, and they might internalize that negativity, or even blame themselves for your actions. Read more about that here.
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Giving in too much to your child
Even if you want to have a good relationship with your child, boundaries are very important. Boundaries help teach your child responsibility and let them understand that they can’t always have or do whatever they want.
While it’s okay to give in to your child’s whims every so often, it shouldn’t be done each and every time. It’ll make you feel that your child is spoiled and it can even harm their social development.
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Setting bad examples
Just like everyone else, parents aren’t perfect. However, that’s not an excuse for parents to set bad examples for their children.
If you have bad habits like smoking, cursing a lot, or being rude to other people, you should make it a point to fix those types of behavior so that you can set a good example for your kids. It won’t only benefit your kids in the long run, but it will also help you make a positive change in your life.
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Being too overprotective
Parents always want their kids to be safe. And it’s totally normal for a mom or dad to be worried when their kid goes home late or even forget to send them a text message to tell them how they’re doing. But don’t cross the line and become overprotective.
Sometimes, parents just have to learn to trust their kids and know that they can handle themselves. The mark of a good parent is when your child learns how to become independent, yet still respects and follows the things that you teach them. As a parent, that should be your goal in mind.
Even if we’re parents, we can still make mistakes. But just like what we want our children to learn, what’s more, important is how we learn from these mistakes and try to become a better version of ourselves, as parents and as individuals.
Sometimes, it’s okay to skip work and go to your child’s recital or go with them to the beach. And turn off your mobile phone while you’re at it. Your child’s development and your relationship with your kids are very important.