Just like me, Jenny wakes up at around 6 in the morning, and goes about her routine. The 37-year old prepares breakfast for her family, gives her only daughter, 3-year old Ripley, a bath, and then she’s off to playtime.
Jenny, like me, is a stay-at-home mom, who sneaks in her work whenever she can, usually during Ripley’s playtime or when she’s put to bed. My days seem to have a lot in common with Jenny’s, except that there’s a father involved — another parent, another playmate, another person to tag team with, just in case being a mom gets too tiring (which it sometimes does!)
If you’ve been a single mother since your child’s birth, it’s normal to wistfully think about how much easier your life would be if you had someone there that you can count on, especially when you’re too exhausted to move. But as I soon discovered, my life isn’t as starkly different as I thought it would be, compared to Jenny’s.
Continue reading to get a glimpse into both Jenny and Maita’s lives.
What’s your day like?
Maita: I’m usually awake by around 6 in the morning, and I have my me time first. I read a bit, do some journaling, and then exercise. After which, Vita usually wakes up by then, so I prepare her milk and breakfast.
After that, we take a bath and then either lounge around, or she comes with me to my errands or I go with her to her summer classes. She likes playing pretend a lot nowadays, as well as with her blocks, and painting. Our evening ritual consists of me brushing her teeth, washing her up and then reading her a story. I get work done either when she’s already asleep by 7 in the evening, or while she’s playing on her own.
Weekends aren’t much different, except that I try not to work on Sundays, and we meet with my eldest sister’s family for what we call our “delicious family dinner” (even if it’s sometimes during lunch time, haha.) Whenever we’re in the mall, Evita loves going to Timezone and having ice cream.
Jenny: During weekdays, I’m usually awake at around 6 a.m. and start preparing breakfast for my family. My daughter Ripley, husband Louie and I will either buy pan-de-sal at the neighborhood bakery or prepare omelet or pancakes together for breakfast.
3-year old Ripley loves helping out with making breakfast.
We usually watch morning cartoons like Peppa Pig, Wonder Pets, Paw Patrol and Hi-5 while eating. By the time we are done at around 9 a.m, Ripley is ready for her morning bath and playtime.
Because it’s summer, the inflatable pool is always out for a short swimming time in the garden. While Ripley does her morning crafts and activities at home, my husband and I start prepping for the day’s work. We both work from home, so we usually check our emails around 10 a.m. and start working at our respective workstations at home.
We have lunch at 12 noon and take a break for a while. Then Ripley takes an afternoon nap by 1 p.m. and I continue working on my projects in the afternoon. By the time Ripley wakes up from her nap at 4 p.m., she has merienda and continues playing dress up in the afternoon.
I prepare painting and drawing activities for my daughter so that she won’t spend too much time on gadgets. We have dinner around 7 to 8 p.m. then slow down by having storytelling time at night. Ripley also selects the books she wants to read before bedtime. Hopefully, she’ll be asleep by 9 to 10 p.m. so that my husband and I can have our me-time already.
We wake up a little later during weekends, around 8 a.m. We either visit my parents or spend time with Ripley’s cousins. Sometimes we plan play dates for Ripley or meet up with our barkada. We also do all our errands during the weekends like going to the market/grocery and the pedia. On Sundays, we usually attend morning mass, eat out for lunch, and head over to a mall to keep cool.
What’s your me time?
Maita: I’m attempting to employ this mindfulness technique that states that everywhere, at any time, is me-time. It appeals to me because I’m hardly on my own, and when I am, I’m busy doing something, like working, taking a bath, or running errands.
If we’re being strict about the definition of me-time, I do sometimes get to sneak in a good 30 minutes every morning to read, exercise, or sleep a little bit more before Vita wakes up. At night, when I’m not working, I watch the latest episode of Scandal (the only show I watch religiously!), or read up on the news of the day.
I sometimes read when I have the chance, getting in a few pages when I’m in bed, in line somewhere, or in the bathroom.
Jenny: Me time means watching streaming movies and TV series online, after Ripley’s 9 p.m. bedtime. That’s also the time I surf the Internet and check out my favorite blogs and websites, or try to finish one of the books that I have on my desk. This is usually the time my husband and I bond over our favorite TV shows and movies.
When I get the chance, I like to go window shopping, do “sourcing” for products I might use for future styling projects, raid second-hand bookstores for great deals on awesome finds, or go to a salon for a haircut, mani-pedi or a massage.
Continue reading to know what their biggest regrets and triumphs are as a parent, and how motherhood has changed them.
As a parent, what has been your biggest regret?
Maita: My biggest regret as a parent is all the time I lost with her. I was working terribly hard, lived far away from home, and was going through a lot of personal problems to actually focus on raising her. It was only last October 2015 that I took the plunge into freelancing, and I can say with the utmost confidence that I’m now more stable than ever.
The best part is that Evita’s never been happier. Her progress in school soared, her vocabulary increased, her people skills grew tremendously—the difference is palpable.
3-year old Vita loves to sing and dance, even putting up impromptu performances in public!
Jenny: There was a time when I used to really go home late from work and my daughter will wait up for me before sleeping. It breaks my heart to see her so tired but happy to see me home. I used to sing her lullabies on the phone so that she gets to sleep, instead of waiting for me.
As a parent, what has been your largest triumph?
Maita: My biggest triumph as a parent is learning to be a whole person for my daughter. I used to get upset with the practicalities and happiness that I thought would come with having a two-parent family. Through time, patience, and working through a lot of pain and resentment, I learned that I’m already as whole and happy, on my own.
And the longer I thought and acted like life was so terribly unfair, the more Vita will think and feel that she’s missing out on something. Children pick up what their mothers are, whether they—or we—like it or not. When I flipped the happiness and gratefulness switch on, it rubbed off immensely on Vita, and she’s getting happier and happier every day.
Jenny: I’m so proud that our daughter is turning out to be a better version of us. Ripley makes people smile when she’s around other kids and adults. She loves singing, dancing and entertaining other people with her made up stories. She loves getting her favorite books read to her over and over again, so much that she can recite some of them from memory while pretending to “read” out loud.
Another thing she loves now is writing her name everywhere. I love seeing her drawings and scribbles on my planner, notebooks and random pieces of paper she sticks in my bag.
How has parenthood changed you?
Maita: Parenthood changed my outlook in life. Truth be told, I grew up thinking that I was never getting married, never having kids. I knew I was too selfish and power hungry to become a mother.
When I became a mother, I loved my daughter more than life itself, but I also grieved over the loss of my freedom—my time was no longer mine, the money was never enough to breathe a little easier, and I was chained to a man who didn’t want to be with me.
Through time, I felt comfortable, and finally fell in love with Maita, the parent. I traded in my high heels for flats and trainers, became more mindful over my spending, and relished the moments she would look up to me with excitement, happiness and love.
I still crave for my old alone time, but nowadays, I love how motherhood has given me a laser-like focus to make both my life and my daughter’s life happy and full of love.
Jenny: Parenthood makes you change the way you see and do things. I have a to-do list of activities and errands that I have to accomplish in a day, but when I became a mom, I just try not to be so frustrated when I can’t seem to check-off all the things on it.
Now, I try to take everything one day at a time, and try to be more flexible with the things that I have to do. Now that I work from home, my daughter and I have become “officemates”. She has on her own mini-desk beside mine where she does her arts and craft projects while I work on my laptop.
I get to enjoy spending the time I have with my daughter, and though I still keep busy with work, she knows that I’m just right there when she needs me.
Continue reading to find out about their hopes and aspirations for their children.
What are your fears for your child as she grows up?
Maita: The biggest fear I have for Vita is she grows up feeling like she’s unwanted; becoming the textbook child of a single parent who has “daddy issues”. I can only do so much, and I hope that the love and support that I give her will be more than enough for her to feel happy, whole, and loved.
Jenny: The world is changing so fast, and it’s frightening to think that no matter how hard we try, we’ll never be able to completely protect her from it. The future holds so many crazy and unpredictable things and it’s frightening to think that she will have to navigate through it on her own one day.
Our mission as parents is to teach her the value of kindness, perseverance, optimism and resilience so that she’ll be mentally and emotionally prepared to face whatever challenges comes her way.
Jenny, like all mothers, hope that she’s protecting yet teaching Ripley to be strong in this ever changing world.
What’s the sweetest thing your kid has done for you?
Maita: She’s very strict with our bedtime routine, and we end with our goodnight kisses. She pulls my face to hers when she kisses me nowadays, and ends with rubbing our noses together, our “nosy-nosy” move. It melts my heart every time.
Jenny: Whenever she draws our family holding hands on paper or her whiteboard, she says “I love my family!” Whenever she says a random I LOVE YOU, Mama, accompanied by a tight hug and kiss. Sometimes, when she sees me looking worried or stressed, she walks over, pats my hand and tells me “It’s okay, Mama. It’s okay”.
What’s your parenting style?
Maita: My parenting style is one that I would like is mindful. I’m not necessarily strict, or too lenient. I set boundaries for her to follow, but not too rigid for her to not be creative, to not explore, or to hinder her from her experiences. I make sure that I give her enough space for her to discover her world, but not too much that it might bring her harm.
Jenny: My husband and I decided early on that we should always be united in our stand in disciplining and rearing our daughter. For example, when Ripley throws tantrums before bedtime and doesn’t want to take a bath, we show her that we are already dressed and ready for bed. We’ll wait it out until she calms down and decides to follow our example. Sometimes, it’ll take an hour of crying and haggling, so it really takes a lot of time and patience on our part, but when we stand firm, she usually concedes.
We learned that sometimes, it’s best to just listen to her. She used to hate bath time, until we calmly asked her why she didn’t want to take a bath, and found out that it was cause she found the water too cold and that she wanted the temperature to be “just right”, like in Goldilocks. Since then, getting her to take a bath has been a breeze.
How do you think would things be different if you were without a partner?
Jenny: I can only imagine that I’d be relying more on the help of my immediate family and friends, based on the fact that they’re already a big part of our family dynamic now and they’ve always been very generous with their love, time and support.
How do you think would things be different if you had a partner?
Maita: There was a brief point in our life that Vita, her father, and I were all together. It gave me comfort, made me breathe a little easier knowing that there was someone there that we can rely on. Perhaps if I had a partner, I wouldn’t be as worried over finances too much, and we wouldn’t need the safety railings on our bed, because there would be another warm body on the other side of Vita to prevent her from falling. I guess it would be nice if there was another person there to count on.
What are you most thankful for when it comes to your husband?
Jenny: I’m thankful that my husband is a very loving and supportive partner in raising our daughter. He is very hands-on when it comes to taking care of Ripley. He really takes the time to play with her and read her stories. Father and daughter time often includes bonding over their love of cartoons, Lego, Star Wars and lots of adventurous pretend play and improvised storytelling.
What are you most thankful for when it comes to your single blessedness?
Maita: I am most thankful for the time that Vita and I have together. The bond between us, especially ever since I started working from home, is stronger than ever. I know that there will come a day when she wouldn’t want to be with me anymore, so I’ll cherish these moments when she sticks to me like glue.
Also, I am forever grateful that my family is the strongest, fiercest, and most loving family there is, that Vita is always surrounded by people who love and support her.
32-year old Maita has found joy in being a single mom to 3-year old Evita.
What are you most thankful for when it comes to your daughter?
Maita: I am thankful that she’s growing up to be so much more than I hoped she would become. She’s a ball of happy, bubbly, healthy energy; she brings joy to everyone she meets. I’m thankful that she’s loving, happy, and content to be with me, every single day.
Jenny: I’m so thankful that Ripley is a very sweet and loving daughter. Whenever I get home from a meeting or a shoot somewhere, she’ll always greet me with a sincere “I missed you today, Mama” and she’ll immediately tell me about her adventures for the day. Her very positive and sunny disposition is very encouraging and uplifting. She really amazes me everyday.
What advice can you give to other moms who want to keep the bonds of marriage strong through the years?
Jenny: I’ve known my husband since college and we’ve always been really good friends. Through the years, we’ve seen each other’s best and worst traits and we’ve accepted each other for who we really are. It really takes lots of love, understanding and patience to make a marriage work. We always talk things through, make sure that we are not mad at each other before going to sleep.
Having a positive outlook in life, being grateful and thankful for all that we have in life together as a family makes everything better. We always pray together as a family and it always calms us down. Don’t forget to say I Love You and Thank You to your husband everyday accompanied with a big hug and kiss.
What advice can you give to other moms who are solo parents?
Maita: There have been times wherein I’ve been so emotionally exhausted, that curling up in a ball and crying my heart out just didn’t feel like enough for me to get rid of my sadness. The piece of advice that I can give to solo parents is to feel what you feel, and then stand up, and move forward.
The thing about being a solo parent is that there’s much less downtime—there’s no one to tag team with you when you want to take a nap, or when your daughter wants to sing a duet. It’s all on you. Just keep the faith, pray for strength and guidance, and take a deep breath. You’ll always be able to forge through, and be the best mom that your child deserves to have.
32-year old Maita has found joy in parenthood.
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