10 mistakes moms make

Common mistakes moms make

We moms aren’t perfect. There, I said it. Now the whole world of cyberspace is going to know, but it had to be said. Being imperfect isn’t really the issue, though. What is the issue is how we deal with our mistakes, specifically those we make with our children.

Here is some advice from a mum herself on common mistakes mommies make.

1. Not apologizing

Say you are sorry. Never be afraid or ashamed of apologizing for a misstep on your end. To see you as human and willing to admit your imperfection is one of the greatest lessons you can give your children.

2. Always being right

Admit when you are wrong. You may simply be wrong or misinformed. Don’t try to cover it up. Don’t make excuses. Just admit it and go on.

3. Not setting restrictions

Don’t over-indulge your child by giving him things. Things aren’t really what he is after, anyway. He wants you—your time, attention, and love. Too many toys and treats lead to a child who is spoiled and feels entitled, so don't be afraid to say no.

4. Comparing

Being compared to someone else hurts. Words such as ‘why can’t you be like…’ or ‘you act just like your…’ are hurtful and unfair. But if you lose your senses momentarily and say them, back up, apologize, and reinforce your child's self-esteem by telling him what you love about him.

5. Taking frustrations out on kids

If you’ve had a bad day or are having marital problems, your child is not the one responsible. Even if his behavior is part of the reason for your bad day, you need to remember who the adult is (that’s you) and remain calm.

But if you lose your cool, apologize, take some time to yourself to regroup, and move on. Tell your child that what you did is unacceptable. Then, come up with a code word or phrase to use for when you're about to lose your temper. It should serve as a signal to inform your child you need a few minutes to yourself.

6. Setting high expectations

You can’t expect your child to do things the way you do them. His hands aren’t big enough and his coordination isn’t as developed.

Also, you can’t expect your child to know how to do something properly unless you’ve instructed him one-on-one.

FYI: the ‘watch and learn’ method of teaching isn’t effective in children. They get tired of watching so they don’t learn. But let them DO something with you and you’ll get the message across.

7. Not taking it easy

Don’t major in the minors. By making too much of the little things, you greatly reduce your chances of being heard when it really counts. Ask yourself if what’s happening or your child's behavior will matter in a week or a month. Parenting is grace, for your child and for yourself as well.

8. Keeping secrets

Don’t hide things from your spouse and then engage your kid's help in keeping mum. Involving your child in ‘marital espionage’ is wrong on so many levels it would take an entire book to cover it all. If this is you... STOP! How can you expect your child not to lie, cheat, and disrespect people if she sees you doing just that?

9. Embarrassing your child

Don’t ever embarrass your child (on purpose). Humiliating and embarrassing her is so damaging to her self-esteem. What you say today may lead to eating disorders, self-deprecating tendencies, addictions, and relationship problems in the future.

Don’t discipline your child in front of her friends (remove her from the situation rather than putting it off or letting it go). Don’t comment on her weight. Instead, change her diet. Don’t talk about things like wetting the bed, spilling milk and such to her friends or yours. You wouldn’t want your child telling anyone you farted in the movie theater, making everyone plug their nose, would you?

10. Not keeping your body language in check

Don’t underestimate the power of body language. Crossing your arms, tapping your finger, looking away, answering the phone, leaving the room, and other acts of uninterest send a message to children that they aren’t important enough to listen to.

Give your undivided attention and thank your lucky stars your child is talking to you. Listening to your preschooler and elementary aged child will open the door to having a teenager you have the privilege of listening to.

Ultimately, relax and enjoy!

Don’t be too hard on yourself. Allow yourself the room to be less than perfect. Your kids know you’re not—but it’s so important for them to see you know this, too. Just don’t ever pass up the opportunity to let them know that in spite of it all, nothing means more to you than loving and nurturing them into adulthood and beyond.

Republished with permission from: theAsianparent

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Written by

Darla Noble

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