10 reasons why you should stop praising your kid for being smart

It is natural for parents to want to praise and reward their kids for their achievements and positive behavior. However, did you know that praising your kids each and every time they excel in their academics may have negative implications?

Here are 10 reasons why you should stop overpraising kids for being smart, and what you can do instead.

It makes them crave more praise

You may think that showering your kids with praise contributes to their healthy self-esteem. However, studies show that too much of it could actually lead to narcissistic behavior. When you continuously tell your child that he or she is smart, it could result in an over-inflated ego.

Instead of directing praise at your child, focus instead on his or her actions. Commend them for a job well done, and not solely for being smart.

They start to expect rewards for good behavior

When you choose to praise and reward your child whenever they perform well at something, there is a chance that they will continue to anticipate receiving the same rewards each time they do something right. In time, they may even expect more.

Contrary to what many may believe, when children do good work with the end-goal of receiving a reward, they tend to perform more poorly. There have been studies that have shown that these reward systems can suppress creativity in kids and lower the quality of their work.

It motivates them, but not to do better

When you continually tell a child that he or she is smart, it can make the kid want to continue to perform, but not necessarily do better. In these cases, instead of them striving to achieve more, they will work instead on making things look good as they do it in order to receive even more praise and recognition. When looking good overshadows doing well, your child’s performance may actually suffer.

It can breed insecurity

Being told that they are smart could make kids become afraid of making mistakes, and eventually develop insecurities. Discovering that they aren’t naturally good at something can make them choose to give up instead of trying harder.

They may start to lack patience

When a child feels insecure about his or her ability to accomplish a task, and chooses to shy away from it for fear of attracting negative feedback, their patience in learning also suffers. Instead of them taking the time to become better at something, they quit.

To avoid this, instead of praising your child for what he or she does well, encourage the effort that is put into learning and doing something that is challenging. Focus on specific achievements and small victories rather than on your kid per se.

It can hold them back

The desire for praise could actually work against a child, causing him or her to hold back when he or she is uncertain.

For example, your child could choose not to participate in class or hesitate to progress to a more challenging task because there is worry about how others will see his or her performance. In this case, the fear of being wrong hinders a child from taking risks, and in effect, from growing.

It can instill a fixed mindset in kids

A fixed mindset is when a person believes that they have limited potential, based on the innate skills and talents that they know they have. When all you commend a child for is her or his intelligence, this may box him or her in, preventing the child from exploring other strengths like being artistic or athletic.

Try instead to develop in them a growth mindset, wherein they see themselves as having the potential for growth and development. You can do this by acknowledging strategies, efforts and processes, and not just the outcome of what your child chooses to do.

It can make them doubt the sincerity of praise

Sometimes, parents shell out praise in order to encourage kids who are struggling. At times praise can also be over the top. Know, however, that calling a child smart despite poor grades could lead to your little ones doubting the sincerity, and therefore the validity, of your praise.

Be wary of sending mixed signals by making sure you are sincere each time you praise a child for doing something right. When your goal is to encourage your little one, focus on the importance of their efforts rather than giving unearned credit.

Praise can be demotivating

Relentlessly showering your child in praise may be unhealthy over time, and they could even eventually become immune to it. In short, as with most things, the value of praise may be diminished when it is bandied out indiscriminately.

This may prompt you to start giving a higher form of praise or recognition – bigger rewards, and larger gestures, for instance. Remember, though, that holding back might just be the better option.

They could start to make excuses for their failure

One of the most negative things that could come out of overpraising your kid for being smart is that he or she could develop the habit of making excuses for failure.

When they don’t get the positive reinforcement they have become accustomed to, it becomes easier for them to reason out that the task was too hard or that they simply aren’t good at something. This is because your praise tends to stroke their ego while at the same time making it fragile against failure or challenges.

10 reasons why you should stop praising your kid for being smart

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Patricia de Castro-Cuyugan

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Patricia de Castro-Cuyugan

praising your kid

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