Though gaining weight is believed to be one of the signs of happiness in relationships, it could also have negative effects, especially if you’re sensitive about the topic of weight gain and your spouse makes hurtful comments about it, even if it’s unintentional.
How would you respond if your husband asks you to lose weight? According to Very Well, husbands and wives both are open to making changes for marriage, which often involves weight loss.
Specifically, for active partners who engage in sports and exercise, gaining weight may become a hindrance to their bonding moments, which can negatively affect their relationship.
If you or your partner needs to lose weight, doctors agree that telling them should be driven by a proper motivation, like concern for their healthy and well-being. So if you find yourself being asked by your spouse to trim down, don’t despair. Make the most out of the situation by using it as a chance to try a new diet or exercise together.
What if the reason your husband’s asking you to lose weight is because he no longer finds you attractive?
If your hubby wishes your waistline would return to how it was on your wedding day, it’s natural to feel hurt. He must love you as you are, no matter the size, after all, right? Dr. Mike Abrams, a psychologist and professor at New York University, cautions against asking a partner to lose weight, saying that requests like these can put pressure and cause further insecurity to the overweight spouse.
However, according to Dr. Abrams, it is a reality for many couples, especially if the weight difference between spouses is great.
Asking a partner to lose weight must be well intentioned
“When one person becomes heavier, it changes the balance of relative attractiveness,” he says in an interview, adding that, to some extent, most relationships are based on this.
“When you change the attractiveness balance in a relationship, you encourage your mate to look for that upgrade more zestfully, and at the same time you diminish your own ability to upgrade,” he says, clarifying that this doesn’t mean you can longer find an overweight partner attractive. He focuses mainly on how any change in appearance can affect how partners see one another.
So what should you do? Tell them with love, but clarify that they should only make the change when they are ready. Dr. Abrams suggests you make sure it is not solely based on attraction and that it is well-intentioned, clarify that you want them to lose weight for their health and for them to experience life better.
Fat shaming in marriage happens, and it can cause resentment, humiliation, and insecurity. Be careful with your words, even if they are in the form of jokes. If you’re the overweight spouse, make sure to let your husband or wife know if it offends you. Keep communication open, but remember to always support one another through all of life’s changes.
READ: Is your marriage making you fatter? Here are 5 tips for couples to lose weight together
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