How our own parents affect the way we raise our kids
There's no doubt about it—the way we were raised affects our kids
Whether we like it or not, our relationship with our own parents affects the way we raise our kids. That’s why we should examine our relationships with our parents to see how this might be affecting our children. We usually either mimic our parents, or do the complete opposite.
Though we may not be aware of it, our own parents are our benchmarks for parenting. Some of these parenting styles may be positive, but we pick up on the negative as well. That’s why some parents still hit their kids in spite of the many studies that have shown the negative effects of corporal punishment—that’s how their own parents disciplined them, and they turned out fine!
But we are not doomed to repeat the past; we just need to be aware of our parents’ influence and be more mindful in our parenting.
On the next page: more on how our childhood affects the way we raise our own kids.
If we don’t have a lot of positive memories of our childhood, we might try to compensate for our parents by doing the exact opposite of how our parents treated us. For example, if our parents were strict, we may want to give our kids plenty of freedom. Though we may have the best of intentions, this could backfire on us if we go too far.
We should question our motivations when we make a parenting decision—is this really what’s best for your child or are you just rebelling against your parents? Balance is key.
Our perceptions are more important than reality
According to a 1992 study, what our parents actually did is less important than our perception of what they did. So if your parents were actually in reality doing a pretty good job of raising you, but you perceived them as neglectful, then that affects the way you raise your kids.
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