More than 20 years ago, Dr. Arthur Aron, a psychologist from the US, tried to devise a list of 20 questions that can make 2 strangers fall in love with each other. Surprisingly, the list does work, and one couple even invited Dr. Aron and his team to their wedding!
Now, Andrew G. Marshall, a marital therapist with 30 years experience, has devised his own list of 20 questions, but this time, it’s designed to rekindle a couple’s romance, and make them fall in love with each other all over again!
The questions are designed to help you get to know your spouse even better, and to understand how they think, and how they feel about certain situations. It’s important for both you and your spouse to ask each other these questions, and to be honest and sincere in answering them.
Here’s the list of 20 questions that can potentially save a failing relationship:
1. If you were stranded with someone in the jungle who, aside from me, would you like it to be?
This is a simple question to get things started, and would help you get to know your spouse a little more. Remember, the questions are hypothetical, so don’t get mad!
2. In what period in history would you like to have lived and why?
This question lets you and your spouse know more about each other’s hope’s and dreams, as well as your interests.
3. If you could have a superpower, what would it be?
Asking about a person’s preferred superpower is a way to know what things they find difficult in life as well as any of their insecurities.
4. What would be your perfect day, from waking up in the morning to falling asleep at night?
This should help you get to know your partner more, what their likes and dislikes are, and what they think would be a ‘perfect’ day for them.
5. If you could ask one of your grandparents or your parents one thing, who would you choose and what would it be?
Asking them about their grandparents lets you get to know more about their relationship with the important people in their lives.
6. Aside from marriage and children, what are you most grateful for in your life?
While being married and having children are both blessings, there are a lot of other things that people should be thankful for, and lets you and your spouse be more thankful about everything that the both of you have.
7. What is your greatest strength and your greatest weakness?
This gives you an insight into how your spouse thinks; what they feel they’re good at, and what they think they’re not so good at. It helps you get a peek inside their true personality, through which you can get to know them better.
8. What are your ambitions?
Even in married couples, people still have ambitions and goals for themselves. Asking your spouse about these helps you understand their goals in life, as well as how you can support those goals.
9. Tell your entire life story in 5 minutes.
The way you tell your life story in just 5 minutes can tell a lot about the events in life that you deem important. You’ll probably be surprised to hear what your spouse has to say about the way you told your life story, and you’ll get to know a little more about yourself!
10. What is your most terrible memory from your childhood?
This exposes your vulnerabilities, and can reveal a lot about a person.
11. How do you think you will die?
A question like this makes people realize that no one lives forever, and that eventually, we’ll all have to face death. It also teaches us to make every moment count. It’s better to work on making a relationship work, rather than spend the rest of your life in a miserable marriage.
12. What gives your life meaning?
This one’s a pretty tough question, since it makes you reassess what you really want in life. Asking your spouse this question lets you know their priorities in life, and how you can help them with those.
13. What qualities do I posses that made you think I was someone special?
Asking this question reminds the both of you why you fell in love with each other in the first place, and what you can do in order to maintain your relationship with each other.
14. What was, for you, the most memorable moment of our wedding day or our first date?
Both days are important, and you can both share happy memories that the both of you had on either your wedding day, or your first date as a couple.
15. What three things do we have in common?
This helps kickstart a conversation about your current relationship, and what traits the both of you shared. Did anything change throughout the years?
16. When have you been made to feel small and ashamed? Please give an example where I didn’t cause the shame and one where I did.
Talking about shame is a very personal thing, and it can be hard for most people to discuss it. Be honest with your partner, and apologize for anything that you might have done to cause them to feel bad.
17. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about in our relationship?
Even in a marriage, some things are just too serious to be joked about. This helps you create boundaries, and develop a healthy respect for those topics that you should always take seriously.
18. Complete this sentence: I wish I had someone with whom I could share…
Be honest when answering this question. This lets your spouse know that you want them to support you in your interests, and that you want them to be happy when you succeed in things that your interested in.
19. If there was one small thing about my behaviour that you’d like me to change, what would it be?
This helps you reassess yourself, and really think about what you can do to make yourself better for the marriage to work. This also lets your spouse know what they can do for you in order to make the marriage last.
20. Which question was hardest to answer and why?
Take this as a moment to reflect on your relationship, and ask yourself why it was hard to answer that specific question.
These 20 questions lets couples talk about the things that really matter, and helps tired spouses learn more about each other, and rekindle their love for one another. Hopefully, this activity would work wonders towards ensuring that your marriage lasts!
READ: Emotionally intelligent couples have stronger marriages