What you didn't know about sex after kids: Steamy hacks for frustrated parents
Having kids doesn't need to kill your sex life! We've got some tips so you can get back to the intimacy you enjoyed before kids!
Sex after kids -- A common complaint that comes from parents with babies or young children is about the decline in their sex lives after the arrival of their little one. From a new mom feeling insecure about her body to feeling exhausted all of the time, some parents just end up deciding it’s easier to go the route of a sexless marriage.
For many marriages though, this is a precarious position to be in. Sex is a basic human need and the chances are high that one party will eventually be tempted to slip to satisfy that need.
At some point, sex started being perceived as a selfish act for parents (which seems inherently ironic, considering how one goes about becoming a parent!) because they should be spending all of their time looking after their children.
This could not be further from the truth! Not only does sex play an integral role in your relationship by strengthening the emotional and physical connection between you and your partner, your children benefit from seeing that their parents enjoy a loving and supportive relationship.
Very few new parents report a lack of desire as the reason for their boring sex lives. Instead, the biggest culprit is exhaustion. After nine months of being pregnant, now your time is full of changing diapers and feedings- what happened to babies sleeping half the day anyways?
Another major issue that many new moms struggle with is feeling unattractive. While you’re pregnant, everyone talks about your healthy glow but between giving birth and no longer having the time to look after yourself like before, it’s easy to get a little down on yourself.
Women do themselves a disservice in this regard, forgetting that we are our own harshest critic. For both parties, remember that your partner is more attracted to you than ever-- look at what you’ve just created together!
Finally, another major sex-drive killer is emotional distance. If one parent is taking on the majority of child care or household duties, this will build resentment which leads to emotional distance. If you feel like this is happening in your marriage, you need to speak to your partner sooner rather than later.
Firstly, you should never feel rushed or pressured into having sex after kids and you may not feel up for it immediately following your pregnancy, but intimacy is still important! Little things like a lingering touch or kiss reassure your partner that you still feel attracted to them.
One of the easiest ways to get back your pre-kids sex life is getting over the idea you need to have sex in a bed! When you’re tired and under the covers, that’s probably the last thing you’re after so instead take advantage of any alone time you can and get creative!
Get your in-laws involved! Or if they aren’t available, look for a responsible student who can do babysitting duty. Planning date nights is key to kindling your romance. It doesn’t even have to break the bank! Pack the kids off to the babysitter, and spend the evening in bed together. For a special occasion, get a hotel and take full advantage of the room service option for an unforgettable steamy night.
Many parents cite a lack of time as being a major road block in having sex after kids and the obvious answer is a quickie. Not only does this quick jolt of intimacy give you a bounce to your step, it’s bound to leave you wanting more when there’s time. Just make sure the door is locked when you’re getting started!
Can you say afternoon delight? If you’re both home during the afternoon, nap time is the perfect window of opportunity for getting cosy. This has the added benefit that being in bed in the middle of the day feels luxurious and lazy. We can’t think of a better way to relieve some of the stress that comes with having a new baby.
Talk each other up. Be as innocent or as risque as you want, but tell each other how you feel about each other and what you want to do together. Nothing will get your partner’s heart racing like getting a steamy message from you in the middle of the day while they’re in yet another boring meeting!
Finally, tell each and even act out your wildest fantasies. This is the person you’ve chosen to spend the rest of your life with, so if not with them, then with whom?! Besides the wild side of talking about your fantasies, this also creates a channel where you can speak candidly about what you like in the bedroom or what you want to do more often.
At the end of the day, everything comes down to communication so start talking about sex after kids with your partner and you’ll find that your days of frustration will soon be over!
Republished with permission from theAsianParent Singapore