An exciting sex life means different things for different couples. For some, it means being consistent and devoted to pleasing your partner. For others, it is defined by being open to trying new things.
Sexuality and relationship coach Pamela Madsen writes in an article for the Huffington Post that decreased libido, unmet sexual needs, and lack of intimacy are the major problems the couples she’s worked with have faced.
Though there is more to marriage than sex, she’s learned just how important it is. It’s natural to experience lulls in intimacy, but what shouldn’t be the case is that couples stop trying. Make time, effort, and be creative in showing your partner you still desire them after all these years, advises Madsen, who’s experienced being unsatisfied in bed, too, but was able to work through her issues with her husband, to whom she’s been married for 34 years.
So how do you spice things up in bed for a happier marriage?
One user over on the Q&A app theAsianparent Community wonders about the same thing and asked his fellow parents how far they’re willing to go for their spouse.
“How many are actually willing to try out new ideas for sexual desire with your spouse? Are everyone so adventurous?” wrote the anonymous user.
“Yes, I am willing to try and spice up our sex life,” writes Jorelle A., a new mom.
Elle O. agrees, writing how she’s “willing to try new sexcapades.”
Neeta M. user confided that though he really wants to, her partner doesn’t seem to be willing to do so.
One user recounts more specifically how they’ve tried spicing things up.
“I tried doing it in public place like in an open area only we did it when the elecricity was off all throughout the whole town,” recalls the anonymous user. “We sometimes did it in an open field and stopped whenever someone would passed by. One time, I initiated stripping off my clothes whiles he’s watching and did all the work after, ordering him not to touch me. Kind of exciting and until now we treasured those experiences.”
Mom Joey S. believes that being sexually adventurous causes love to intensify as well. For J.X., the idea of trying new moves and positions brings excitement, “I anticipate sex every single time!”
“I like to think that I am quite adventurous in that area,” confesses Yuna L. “I say try everything once, keep the good ones and never try the awkward bad ones ever again. I think secretly, everyone has an adventurous side.”
How can you bring excitement back to intimacy? Here are some expert-approved tips.
1. Communicate honestly
Talk it out. Don’t be afraid to reach out when you want to try something new. Don’t be ashamed. Encourage your partner to do the same. Is there something you can do to get out of the rut? Are you experiencing boredom?
2. Stop focusing on sex alone
Have fun with foreplay! Give each other a sensual massage or practice roleplaying. Don’t make intercourse and orgasm the focus of intimacy. Make the lead-up–the making out, touching, caresses–just as important as the act itself. This builds anticipation and encourages you to reconnect in a deeper way.
3. Be more playful!
Within limits you’re comfortable with, which can be established through your ‘sex talk’, be playful and adventurous! Research sex games that encourage you to communicate and address issues you’ve had.
If you still are bearing the burden of a lackluster sex life, despite trying all the tips, don’t lose hope. Be patient and loving! Staying committed to your spouse means weathering the storms just as much as the dry spells.
sources: The Huffington Post, theAsianparent Community, Women’s Health Magazine
READ: 5 Easy positions that will surely spice things up in bed