It doesn’t matter whether you’re a WAHM (Work At Home Mom) or a mom who goes to the office everyday—finding the balance between work and child rearing is still tough. But working parents don’t need to fret; the kids of working parents are all right.
Recent studies according to MultiBriefs have suggested that working moms are setting good examples to their children, showing that they are independent, hardworking, and have a strong sense of self, and in turn, their children follow that example.
When your kids are big enough to start asking about where you go or what you do all day though, how do you explain it to them so that they’ll understand what you do, and what your purpose is for working? Here are some tips from real life working moms:
“I was a housewife, managing my husband’s shoot schedule by phone, until I became a food stylist. I started working when the kids were in college, so there wasn’t a real explanation needed. But, we’ve always believed in teaching by example. We hope the kids saw hard work, passion, dedication, and perseverance in us. We also taught them to find what they love to do and gravitate towards that.” – Bel Alvarez, Food Stylist, and Treasurer of ACME Innovatives, Inc.
“I work from home, so my daughter can see that my work is a lot of drawing, drafting, and looking at pictures. Sometimes she throws a fit about not wanting me to leave the house, but I tell her that working at the very least lets me get her the things she needs—milk, diapers, clothes, etcetera. I do see her mimicking me, she would go through my design books and magazines, and asks for her own office desk and chair, so she can work on her toy laptop, like Mama.” – Camille Besinga, Interior Decorator
“I tell my kids that work is important to support them, their education and future. It’s a huge source of learning the values of discipline, perseverance, flexibility, and hard work.” – Gwen Jacinto Carino, Publicist and Managing Director, GJC Public Relations
“I tell my children that I enjoy doing my job, and that I’m lucky to have found something that I really love doing. I tell them that work actually provides food on the table and that it allows us to buy the things we need and want. I always tell them to pursue whatever career they want in life, and that they have my full support.”Ana Isip, Makeup Artist
“I tell them that I write! It’s the simplest and truest definition really. I show them how work is important by making them see how much I love to work. They need to see that it matters to me, that it gives me purpose and drive, and that it isn’t just a chore. If they see that work is important to me, then I hope my passion, drive and work ethic will rub off on them, too, and that they will also look for work that matters to them.” Frances Sales, Professional Blogger
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“I tell my kids that my job involves helping people make books. Sometimes the boys wonder why mommy or daddy come home late, and there have been times when they’ve asked me to just quit my job so I can stay home with them. I tell them it’s important that mommy and daddy work so that we’ll have money to pay for our home (we’re renting), food, school, the doctor, even their toys. I tell them that though we get money from the bank, we have to work first so we can put money in the bank. So they will learn about the value of working hard, I give them monetary rewards (P5) for chores like making the bed and cleaning up after they eat. My bunso doesn’t participate yet, but I make sure he’s around whenever his kuya is doing his chores. They both have coin banks that they enjoy filling. Plus, the whole monetary reward thing teaches them math.” Joanna Mendoza, Managing Editor, Summit Books
“I was an art director for a magazine, but I’m freelance designer now. Since my 6-year old daughter doesn’t understand what it means to be an art director, unlike the usual doctor or teacher, I just tell her that Mommy likes making things pretty, because beautiful things make people happy. Recently she cried because she overheard me and her dad talking about the possibility of going back to work full time. She cried so hard, and we all ended up crying. She said, ‘Why can’t you stay at home forever?’ So I told her that work is important because we want to be able to put her in a good school, to be able to eat good food, have electricity so that she can watch TV or use the tablet. Very practical terms because I think she needs to understand that we work hard because we want our lives to be better. We want to give her what’s best. I want her to grow up knowing that not everything in life will be handed to you on a silver platter. I want her to see that if we want something, we work hard for it.” – Kara Ballesteros, Freelance Designer
“I have a 7-year-old who says to people, “My mom uses her gadgets all day.” I work from home most of the time, so to a 7-year-old, it would look like all I do is use my computer, tablet, and mobile phone. To put things in perspective, we talk about an uncle/auntie of his who works at an office. I explain to him that I do the same thing but in a different setting. And then we talk about the advantages of me being able to work from home (I can bring him to school and pick him up in the afternoon; we spend after-school hours together; I get to cook dinner for him and his dad).
When he asks what I do on my computer, or where I go when I’m at a shoot or a meeting, I explain to him how I get my assignments, how we talk about it in a meeting, and what happens in an actual shoot. When he was younger and easier to manage, I would bring him to some shoots, so he is quite familiar with what happens. I remember he also had a pictorial for a print ad some years back, so he knows what a photographer is, how a crew sets up, etc. In explaining this to him, I try to make references to something that he likes. (Remember how Tony Stark would meet with the Avengers to plan their strategies? Or how in Goosebumps, R.L. Stine would type stories on his typewriter?) That always helps, because he goes, “Aaaaah.” He then makes follow-up questions, like, so who’s Tony Stark in your meeting?
We hope somehow he makes a connection between what he sees and what he knows. He knows that we spend a lot on tuition, our food, house, and his toys. He knows that wasting water or food is like wasting money. He knows that the reason his dad and I work is so that we will have enough for our daily needs. Then, we try to supplement that with practical stuff, because to us, what is important is that he knows he shouldn’t have to rely on other people for his needs. We start with small stuff, like he makes his own snack, gets his own water (no yaya since he was 2), takes out his baunan when he gets home, etc. (He also goes to a montessori school which fosters independence.) We are hoping that this will, in the future, translate to valuing work the way adults do. – Bubbles Salvador, Freelance Writer
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“I show them that work is important by giving it priority when I have deadlines, but most importantly, I show them and tell them that when they submit work, it has to be good, polished work. They cannot hand in work that is half-baked. The best time to show this is when my eldest has homework or a project. When she doesn’t want to work on it or when she’s does a lazy job, I explain how I work and I tell her why it matters. I just hope that the message gets across.” – Ines Bautista Yao, Freelance Writer, Editor, and Author
“Aside from the usual ‘mom needs to work so we have money for food and toys,’ I also try to show him how working can make you feel happy and when done right, can also make others happy, too. For example, I’d proudly show him photos of children wearing the clothes from my line and tell him, ‘Look, mom made this little girl’s birthday dress for her party! Doesn’t she look pretty in it?’ Also, I make sure that he’s more involved in chores likes cleaning up his toys and doing things around the house for others. Even just little things like putting on a pillowcase or helping me prepare breakfast for his dad. By including him, I can see the pride in his smile and how good it makes him feel that he was able to contribute.” – Nichole Mercado, Businesswoman and Owner, Honeycomb Children’s Clothing
Read: Quiz: Is your job turning you into a bad parent?
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