Finding out that your spouse has been cheating on you is a terrible thing. You'll feel angry, frustrated, sad, and devastated. However, it's not the end of the world. People can bounce back from infidelity, and learn from their experiences. Here are some tips on what you should and what you shouldn't do when it comes to infidelity:
What you should do:
- If you're sure that your spouse has cheated on you, or if your spouse admits to having an affair, the first thing you need to do would be to get yourself checked for STDs. Here in the Philippines, it's taboo to get tested for STDs, but it's something that's very important, and it's something that you need to do if your spouse has cheated on you.
- Talk to your friends and seek advice on what to do. It's difficult to suddenly find out that your spouse has cheated, or is cheating on you, and the stress and confusion might cause you to say or do things that you'll regret later on. Which is why it's important for you to have a support group, and people who will be able to give you sound advice on what you can do, and what decisions you should make regarding your marriage.
- Seek therapy or counseling for you and your spouse. If you want to stay with your spouse, and if you want to rekindle your relationship, then you need to seek therapy, or professional help in order to repair your relationship. It won't be easy, and it might bring up some feelings that you've repressed, but seeking help is an important step when it comes to fixing your relationship, and learning how to trust and to love again.
- Forgive, but not forget. It's important to learn to forgive, no matter how hard it is. Forgive yourself, and forgive your spouse for whatever has happened, but remember not to simply forget what your spouse has done. It will be a long and difficult process, and your spouse will need to earn your trust back, and prove that they're no longer that person who broke your trust, and betrayed your love.
What you should not do:
- Don't be impulsive. Making rash and emotional decisions is no way to address the problem. Try to be as calm as possible, and to clear your head whenever you're making decisions about your relationship. You don't want to say or do anything that you might regret later on, so it's important to be rational and level-headed.
- Do not try and get even. Some people think that if their spouse cheats on them, then they should cheat on their spouse as a form of revenge. This is always a bad idea, as it causes even more pain and resentment, and can even cause your marriage to become irreparable. And that's the last thing that you want to happen.
- Don't blame yourself. No matter what your spouse says, it's not your fault that they cheated on you. Your spouse had a choice of whether or not they should cheat on you, and they acted on that choice negatively. Don't beat yourself up for your partner's actions, as you're not to blame.
- Don't use sex as a way to fix things. Some people think that having "make up sex" might fix things between you and your spouse, but in reality, it doesn't address the root cause of why the infidelity happened. Talking about your problems, and seeking professional help are better than trying to have "make up sex" to fix things.
- Lastly, don't sow resentment. It takes time, but you'll need to learn to let go of your negative feelings in order for the healing process to start. It's important to give yourself a chance to be sad, but also give yourself a chance to move on from what happened, and be better from the experience.
Source: psychologytoday.com
READ: Online cheating is infidelity even without physical contact, says expert
