Barton Goldsmith, Ph. D. is what you might call a “love guru”. He’s a highly decorated professional who’s been honored by several different esteemed association. The multi-award winning psychotherapist has also established himself as a syndicated columnist and radio host. Not to mention he’s a well-recognized keynote speaker.
Needless to say, it goes without saying that when Dr. Goldsmith opens his mouth about love, you’d better listen!
Recently, Goldsmith shared via post on Psychology Today what he believes to be the keys to a more loving relationship. All you need to do: utilize the 8 C’s.
According to Dr. Goldsmith, if you implement these 8 C’s, you’ll “soon see positive changes—and if any of these qualities are missing from your relationship now, work on adding or restoring them.”
Take a look at the 8 essential C’s to a more loving, cherished marriage:
1. Care
“Showing your partner that you care is as simple as opening a door or cooking a meal, but you also have to verbalize it,” says Goldsmith.
That’s right, moms and dads. The first step to a more loving marriage is putting forth a tangible, heartfelt effort that shows your partner that you’re willing to offer them the world.
“Some people never say those three little words, and that’s hard on your mate, so find a way to let your loved one know you care. Be there a little more, and create a random act of kindness. It doesn’t take much.”
2. Consideration
Dr. Goldsmith refers to consideration as care on steroids. In his eyes, “Being considerate means that you go out of your way to make your other half feel that he or she is loved. And when you go out of your way, your actions speak louder than words.”
Curious to learn the rest of the essential C’s to a happy marriage? Visit page two for more insightful advice from Dr. Goldsmith!
3. Communication
Sure, you’ve heard this one before, right? Well, there’s a reason. Communication really is paramount to a happy marriage. You need to be able to speak honestly, and openly to your spouse!
“Given that we have so many ways to communicate, there is no excuse for not talking things out with your partner. (Voices are better than texts, but take what you can get.) If you are upset about something, get it out on the table,” says Goldsmith.
4. Compromise
Seeing eye to eye with your spouse is something that can’t be overlooked in a marriage. If you want anything in your life to be fair, you have to be willing to compromise, and that applies to the married life!
“If you go in thinking you need to have everything your way, nothing will please you—life just isn’t like that. By working toward a compromise, you keep tempers from rising, and while you may not get everything you want, you’ll get what you need. And that’s the way it should be,” claims Dr. Goldsmith.
5. Confidence
Okay, you probably thought that confidence only matters to single people and during job interviews, right? Wrong! The context may be a bit different, but you and your spouse need confidence as much as anyone else.
According to Goldsmith, “We need to know that our relationship is safe and that our partner loves us; this is in our DNA. Without a sense of belonging, you cannot grow and prosper and your desires will always be elusive.”
“Show confidence in what you have, and understand that you can disagree without being disagreeable,” he adds.
6. Comfort
One thing that you never want to feel between you and your partner is a feeling of discomfort. And, although we don’t always know it or mean to, we sometimes make our spouse uncomfortable.
“If you’re a little upset, and you carry that around with you, it will come out in your tone, attitude, and actions, and make your loved one uncomfortable. Stop punishing each other, and express your love instead. Do all that you can to give each other a comfortable life. Time is too precious to waste feeling bad because your other half is mad at you,” claims Dr. Goldsmith.
7. Cherish
No one will ever complain about feeling like the apple of their spouse’s eye. So, ask yourself this question: “Do you make your partner feel like the apple of your eye?” If not…it’s time to step up your game.
After all, as Goldsmith claims, “Knowing that your partner thinks the world of you can give you tremendous strength.”
8. Cheerleading
Not the type that you’ve seen from the likes of Bring it On. In fact, we’re referring to a completely different type of cheerleading all together. However, the concept isn’t too far off. Basically, what Goldsmith is referring to, is a partner who’ll be there by your side to help you get through the hard times, and to cheer you on through your toughest times.
“Having a cheerleader by your side when you feel down can help you deal with any problem and get back on your feet. Life is easier when your partner lifts you up and tells you that you can reach your goals; you are much more likely to have a better relationship, because you feel you deserve it,” he says.
READ: This one bedroom habit is essential for a happy marriage, says study
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