An open letter to my child who died too young

I wish that I could have had the chance to see you grow up, to see you take your first steps, and to hear you say "mama" and "dada."

I still remember the first time I saw your lovely face. You looked exactly like your mother, but you had my eyes. And seeing you open your eyes for the first time was one of the most memorable experiences of my life.

We did everything we could, but we still lost you

I and your mom were so happy when you were born. You were our first child, and every day, there was always something new for us to discover; there was always a new experience for us as parents.

While your mom was pregnant, we did everything we could to make sure that we were both prepared when you were born. We read all the parenting books we could find and browsed the best parenting websites to make sure that we can take care of you, and you can grow up happy and healthy.

All seemed well, and we were a happy little family, with you at the center of our lives. But one day, it all came crashing down.

We did everything we could, but we still lost you.

No one could’ve known that it would happen to you

Devastated couldn’t even begin to describe how I and your mom felt. After doing all the research, taking all the parenting classes, reading all of the books, we weren’t prepared for what happened to you.

And we’re sorry. We’re sorry you didn’t have the chance to experience what the world has to offer. We wanted to take you places, to give you an amazing life, but that was taken from us.

It still hurts to think about you, and I and your mother still get very emotional whenever we’re celebrating your birthday. But we’ve got a surprise for you. You’re going to be a big brother.

We just got the good news last week, and we found that your mom’s pregnant. We still don’t know if you’ll have a baby brother or sister, but either way, we’re excited for the new addition to our family. You’ll always be in our hearts, you’ll always be our first born, and someday I know that we’ll see each other again. And we’ll finally be together, as a family.

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Written by

Jan Alwyn Batara

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