"How do I tell my partner I want to have kids?"
You want kids, but you're not sure if your partner wants them. What now?
At some point in your relationship, you and your partner have probably talked about having kids. After all, it’s an important topic that concerns your future. However, not all couples are comfortable with this conversation. One theAsianparent Community user shared that she and her partner have not talked about it, even though they are already engaged:
Here’s what the theAsianparent Community community had to say:
Don’t avoid the conversation about having kids
Even though it might be easier to avoid the topic now, somewhere down the road, this could cause a lot of conflict in the future if it turns out that you don’t see eye-to-eye on this.
“I think this talk should be on your top priority,” wrote Samantha B. “Can you imagine two years down the road and you want a baby and your other half does not share your thoughts? This will cause much conflict and unhappiness in your marriage. Have the talk with your fiancé.”
Get pre-marital counseling
Sometimes, we need a little extra push to start communicating about the hard stuff. You could enroll in a marriage preparation course, like Hui Q. N. suggested, saying, “These sessions will facilitate discussions of issues that you and your fiancé have yet to consider.”
Remember: this decision involves both of you
Communication is highly important in a relationship, and you shouldn’t be scared to raise such an important topic. If you have differing opinions on having children, talk about it calmly and listen to each other.
“As always, this is a challenge in learning how to compromise and it must be a mutual decision to have kids,” wrote Bianca M. “One must not be pressured into it. Be patient and believe that you both want to make each other happy. He’ll come around. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Enjoy this season of your relationship and trust that you can weather anything that comes your way.
On the next page: some tips on talking about having kids.
Tips on having the baby talk
1. Know why you want to have kids.
Do you really want to start a family, or is it because it’s what you’re expected to do? Are you unhappy with your life and looking for fulfillment in children?
2. Wait for the right time.
Or make some time. Plan to have the conversation when your partner isn’t stressed or distracted.
3. Be honest.
Talk about your desires and why you want to have children. Be calm and clear. This is why it’s important to think about your motivations first before having the conversation.
4. Listen to your partner.
Your partner may not be on the same page as you. He may want some time to think about having kids, and that’s fine. Ask him about his concerns and think them over as well. Give it some time, maybe a couple of weeks at the most, before revisiting the conversation again.
What not to do
Drag others into it. By having your family and friends pressure him to change his mind, you’re not only antagonizing him, you’re also making it less likely for him to come around and see things your way.
Mess with your birth control. Don’t “forget” to take your pills, poke holes in your condoms, etc. You don’t want to start a family on deception.
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