"How do I stop my in-laws from bugging me to have a second child?
It's normal for your in-laws to want more grandchildren, but what should you do when they won't stop bugging you?
You know how it’s like. Once you get married, people start pestering you about when you’re going to start having kids. And once you have one child, they’ll start bugging you about when you’re going to have a second child.
It’s bad enough when it’s friends and acquaintances doing the pestering, but when it’s your in-laws, that makes the situation exponentially more difficult. That’s what one theAsianparent Community user’s concern was:
Be firm, but polite
As Chloe T. explained, grandparents (that includes your in-laws) are excited to have a child running around the house, so you can’t really fault them for their enthusiasm. “The key is to explain to them as politely as possible so that they don’t get offended,” she said. “Explain to them that you and your husband would be more comfortable if you waited for some time to have a second child.”
Sometimes, all you need to do is to let them know firmly that you want to wait (or that you don’t want another child—it’s your decision!). “The last time my in-laws asked me this, I just smiled and told them that the baby will come when it's the time for him/her to come,” said Diana L. “After that, they never mentioned it again.”
Find out more about dealing with difficult in-laws on the next page.
Ask you husband to intervene
It might be difficult for you to deal with your in-laws because your relationship isn’t that established yet. That’s why some recommended asking the husband to reason with his parents instead.
“You could try letting your husband deal with them,” wrote Hui Q.N. “It is easier to explain to your own parents such decisions. I don't think this will put him in a difficult spot and he will probably know better how to handle them.”
To avoid conflict, you might want to go back on your decision to wait, but remember why you and your partner are choosing to hold off having more kids. It could be finances, or your careers, or maybe you just want to focus on your first child. Your reasons are valid.
“You can't control their words and actions,” wrote Bianca M. “Just be firm and kind when telling them that it's your body and your decision. Don't be pressured in any way. I'm sure they mean well but I get how that can be annoying.”
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