Jealousy isn’t an independent and sudden emotion. It is often the result of breeding resentment and feelings of inadequacy. Feeling like you’re no longer appreciated and valued can cause you to feel insecure and easily threatened.
We previously explored the differences between healthy and unhealthy jealousy. To recap, unhealthy jealousy can easily evolve into possessiveness because it’s motivated by mistrust. Healthy jealousy, on the other hand, is driven mostly be the need to protect and preserve one’s happiness.
“Jealousy is unhealthy when it leads to mistrust,” New York City-based love and life coach Francesca Hogi echoes these insights in an interview with Bustle. “It’s one thing to feel jealous, it’s another thing to allow it to sabotage your relationship. If you’re not trusting your partner, there’s a bigger issue there.”
Continuing, she expounds that jealousy is unhealthy when it evolves into self-hate.”Comparison is the enemy of happiness,” warns Hogi, “don’t fall victim to it.”
To avoid unhealthy jealousy, it’s important to distinguish whether what you’re feeling is perfectly normal, and can even be beneficial to your relationship.
Here are five times being jealous in marriage is perfectly okay.
1. They prioritize everyone else first
If you’re constantly competing with everyone and everything in his life, it’s natural to feel jealous. You may feel less of a priority when they don’t spend as much time with you as their friends and relatives.
2. They value everyone’s advice but yours
Do they seem to listen to everyone’s opinion but yours? It’s natural to feel undervalued if this is the case. The beauty of relationships is having someone to talk to and to seek help from. When your partner always turns to their parents or best friend, it can make you feel redundant and unappreciated.
3. They’re generous with compliments with everyone except you
Do they heap compliments on other people and yet shower you with criticism? It’s okay to feel jealous when this happens. It’s natural to question why saying good things about others comes so easily, while their overly critical of you, who’s supposed to be their partner. Talk to your partner. Don’t settle for being belittled or being made to feel bad about yourself.
4. They are always hungry for validation from others
If your partner constantly craves the approval of others, it may be a sign of a deeper issue. Are there personal insecurity struggles he’s still dealing with? Or is this indicative of something in your marriage that you need to work on?
5. They spend more time at work
It’s perfectly normal to want to spend time with your better half. If work or other hobbies take up all their time and energy, it’s okay to feel jealous. Not only does this remind your partner to manage time wisely, it also shows them you care enough to help them achieve work-life balance.
It’s okay to be jealous, but remember to pair it with the effort to communicate with your partner to sort through issues that need to be addressed.
Above all, remember that these jealous feelings are valid and that they may be used to improve your relationship when channeled effectively and if you make it a point to communicate with love so you can move forward from it together.
sources: Bustle, Women’s Health, MindBodyGreen.com, Glamour
READ: Is jealousy making your marriage difficult? Here’s how to deal with it!