No couple wants their marriage to end. But like all relationships, it needs work and commitment in order for it to last.
In her Yahoo! story, Gretchen Rubin lists the 5 every day mistakes you must be careful not to make in your marriage.
1. Demanding gold stars
Every spouse wants to be appreciated. Not every spouse, however, is keen on verbally expressing it, and that drives some people mad. But if that’s the only reason why you do certain things—to draw out an affirmation from your husband or wife—then you’re in trouble.
“Now I tell myself that I’m doing these things because I want to do them,” says Gretchen. “‘Wow, the kitchen cabinets look great’ ‘I’m so organized to have bought all the supplies in advance!’ Because I do things for myself, I don’t expect him to respond in any particular way.”
2. Using a snappish tone
“I have a very short fuse and become irritable extremely easily—but my husband really doesn’t like it when I snap at him,” she admitted.
But since realizing her mistake, Gretchen has turned a new leaf.
“Many of my resolutions are meant to help me keep my temper in check. I don’t let myself get too hungry or too cold (I fall into these states very easily). I try to keep our apartment in reasonable order, because a mess makes me crabby. I try to control my voice to keep it light and cheery instead of accusatory and impatient.”
3. Not showing enough consideration
According to some studies, married people are more civil toward other people than their significant others. Gretchen is guilty of this.
“I’m working hard on basic consideration, such as not reading my emails while talking to him on the phone, emailing photos of our daughters, etc. Very basic, I know.”
4. Scorekeeping
While it doesn’t hurt to keep track of what one or the other does around the house, religiously tallying you and your husband’s scores is not only exhausting, but it also hurts marriages. You start placing his value on the things he does and not who they are as a person.
5. Taking husband for granted
“Although I find it hard to resist using an irritable tone, my husband almost never speaks harshly, and that’s really a wonderful trait. I’m trying to stay alert to all the things I love about him and let go of my petty annoyances.”
READ: 7 signs your marriage is falling apart
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