Great relationships feel effortless even though they require effort. Making a relationship work shouldn’t feel like work. But it’s natural for couples to stop feeling as connected as they once were. Couples still need to grow as individuals, but it’s important that they won’t grow apart.
Here’s how to tell if it’s time to work on reconnecting with your partner:
1. You spend more time away from home
Long-term relationships thrive on quality time spent together as well as meaningful interactions. If you find yourselves spending more time with your co-workers or friends, perhaps it’s time to plan more date nights or out of town trips. During these dates, be genuinely interested in the conversation. Make it feel like you’re getting to know each other again, because, in a way, you are.
2. You can’t make long-term decisions
If you or your partner feels hesitant when making long-term decisions, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate your level of commitment. For instance, if you want to have another child or settle in a certain place, but your partner doesn’t agree, talk to them and be open so you can arrive at a mutually beneficial decision. Compromise is just as important, in certain situations, as commitment is.
3. Intimacy is practically non-existent
Intimacy isn’t just about sex or other physical expressions of love. A good relationship thrives on emotional intimacy, or engaging in deep and meaningful conversations. Make it a habit to ask him important questions and listen carefully to what he has to say.
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4. Conversations have become mechanical
Routine conversations often become the norm when a couple has been together for a long time. If you’re daily interactions feel robotic, like you’re simply going through the motions, try and take a step back to reboot and recharge your enthusiasm.
Dr. Susan Kerry recommends, however, that couples relish the routine, citing what Robert J. Steinberg, who wrote that “partners are so connected with each other that the one doesn’t recognize the other is there, just as the air we breathe can be taken for granted, despite its necessity to life.”
5. You no longer feel comfortable sharing things
If your friends know more about your life than your partner does, then maybe it’s time to assess whether you’ve stopped feeling at ease with sharing.
“Intimacy is a process of discovery with another,” writes Joel B. Bennett in his book, Time and Intimacy: A New Science of Personal Relationships.
Dr. Kerry stresses the importance of being a non-judgmental listener to encourage a “deeper level of communicative openness.”
6. You easily snap at each other
If even the most inane things tend to upset your partner, Dr. Steven Stosny cautions that one of the biggest challenges is to keep yourself from being as angry and resentful. He suggests practicing “compassionate assertiveness”, which means encouraging your partner to be more kind through your own actions. If you wish to inspire change, showing and not telling your partner how to do it could be more effective.
READ: 8 Simple ways to reconnect with your partner
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