Do you believe that love is sweeter the second time around? Read this heartwarming story of giving love a second chance by Mommy Angela.
In her story, you'll read:
- Losing love the first time
- Getting a second chance at love. What's the secret to making it work?
The love department is every single parent’s struggle. The cycle of meeting and knowing someone, getting into a relationship and deciding if the relationship is for the long term or not requires a lot of effort.
The mere fact that you don’t have much time in your hands, it’s the stigma of raising your child or children alone raises a lot of eyebrows and somewhat sets the impression about you. Despite the long list of insecurities of the single parents’ society, there are still many who finally meet their “person." I got mine.
But this is not your usual #MayForever story. My person is the one who left but found his way back.
My husband was my ex-boyfriend and baby daddy. Well, it's not as simple as it sounds.
From separation to being constants in each other's lives
We were together for 2 years when we separated before I gave birth. It was not easy seeing him after but since we go to the same university, I needed to suck it up and just focus on getting my degree. We’re not friends but not strangers either. Just civil enough to get through each day.
Eventually, we learned to be okay with each other's presence. At that time, I didn't know if that was a good thing or not. But I knew that he was still going to be in my life - or in our son's life, one way or another.
After some time, we became friends again. I was the person he would go to when he needs a different perspective on things. Quite weird but I was also his “unsolicited advice” giver regarding his romantic affairs. This was despite the fact that the only relationship I had was with him.
We were each other constants. Maybe that’s why 11 years later, we decided to give each other a second chance at love and got married. It was a big leap of faith for us.
We didn't have any idea how to go through this journey. I remember him saying,
“Siguro naman sa dami na ng nangyari magiging okay ang lahat.”
Or so we thought.
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Going through rough patches as a couple
The adjustment period for us was never-ending. We’re yin and yang. He was spontaneous while I prefer sticking to schedules and all. In every argument, he wants to confront things right away while I do the opposite. But one thing we’re definitely the same is we always want things to go our way.
The biggest learning curve I had to deal with was making decisions that have something to do with our son. For the longest time, I was the only one making decisions for him. It was hard for me to consider another person’s opinion or perspective about it. I kept forgetting, my husband is my son’s dad.
I knew I was being unfair. It was his chance to make up for the years that were lost but I am depriving him of that. I don’t know why it was really hard for me to let go. Maybe I was being selfish or I have just gotten used to it.
Not that it was the only issue we had. Being single for so long, I wasn't used to communicating my feelings to someone else. Whenever I feel unintentionally hurt or stressed about things, I don’t speak up or talk about it.
Because of this, my husband ends up second-guessing why I'm acting that way. That leads to more misunderstandings and fighting over the pettiest things.
Again, force of habit. It was really a struggle for me to open up about my feelings because for so long, it was my decision not to bother anyone about it. #SingleParentsSyndrome. It frustrated my husband because he felt that I don’t see him as a partner. But was not my intention at all.
Because of our differences, the moment came when we started to question if getting back together was right because it seemed like nothing is going the way we hoped for.
“Itutuloy pa ba natin to? Sabihin mo para alam ko kung saan ako lulugar.”
“Ewan ko.”
Those lines were on repeat every time we don’t see eye to eye. Getting a second chance at love wasn't as simple as we thought. Nevertheless, we pushed through it because this is our family we’re talking about.
Getting a second chance at love
Every day is a process for both of us. From things like putting dirty linen in the hamper to deciding whether we should dive into new businesses together, we needed to compromise. Slowly we’re getting the flow we wanted to have as a couple. There are still occasional squabbles from time to time but it’s much better now.
I admit I have to give my hats off to my husband. I am grateful that our relationship is where it’s at right now because he has been so patient with me. Living alone, I’ve built these emotional walls for security. It was a safety net to protect myself and especially my son from getting hurt. It's been there for so long, but I guess only the right person can tear it down.
We’ll yes. I am one of the lucky ones that got my #MayForever story, but it’s far from any fairytale. We gave ourselves a second chance at love and we choose to work on it every day. Our family is also far from perfect. But despite the imperfections, having and calling it our own is what I love most about it.
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