Mayroon ka bang tamad na asawa?
Mababasa sa artikulong ito:
- Kwento ng isang inang kakapanganak pa lamang at mayroong tamad na asawa
- Advice para sa nanay at mga kailangan niyang gawin
Iba ang sayang mararamdaman ng isang magulang kapag inuwi na nila si baby sa kanilang bahay mula sa ospital. Kahit na ang mga palabas sa telebisyon ay pinaniwala tayong ang pagkakaroon ng pamilya ay may happy ending.
Subalit hindi lahat ay ganito ang kuwento!
Isang Reddit user na may pangalang lizquizbluesclues ang nag-kuwento ng kaniyang karanasan bilang magulang. Narito ang makatotohanang istorya ng nanay na mayroong 2 buwang gulang na baby. Kasama na ang kaniyang asawang tila hindi magulang. Pinipilit din siya nitong sarilinin LAHAT ng mga gawaing bahay.
Tamad na asawa | Image from iStock
“Wala man lang akong natanggap na tulong sa kaniya.”
Kwento ng Redditor na ito, ang kaniyang 41-year-old na asawa ay maituturing na role model husband dati bago sila magkaroon ng baby.
Sobra itong maalaga at compassionate habang buntis siya hanggang sa may 2 weeks ang kanilang baby pagkalabas. Dagdag pa niya, suportado pa nga ng kaniyang asawa ang breastfeeding niya lalo na kapag mayroon siyang problema.
“I (33F) gave birth to my first child in January. Before she was born, my husband (41M) was everything a person would want in a partner. He was especially caring and compassionate while I was pregnant. He spent two weeks home with us and was really there for me because I had issues with breastfeeding and baby had high bilirubin so we were back and forth to the pediatrician and hospital,”
Subalit malaki ang pagbabago nito simula nang bumalik siya sa trabaho. Habang abala siyang mag-alaga ng kanilang baby buong araw, ang asawa nito ay sandali lamang ang ibinibigay na oras sa kanilang baby.
Pagkatapos, agad na itong umaalis para gawin ang kaniyang sariling gawain. “One he returned to work, he went back to life as he knew it before. I am still on maternity leave and won’t return to work until April. I am with our baby day and night, all the time,”
BASAHIN:
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Kadalasan itong umuuwi ng 4:30 ng hapon. Dagdag pa ng user na kinakarga naman ng kaniyang asawa ang kanilang anak bilang pagbati ngunit sobrang bilis lamang nito.
Imbes na buhatin at laruin si baby, agad itong bininabalik sa kaniya at saka babalik ng kwarto upang maglaro ng video game kasama ang kapatid nito.
Habang abala sa paglalaro ng video games ang kaniyang asawa, siya naman ay nag-aalaga mag-isa ng baby nila.
“Everything I do, EVERYTHING, has to happen when she is napping. The evenings are terrible. Baby is a fussy baby, rarely content.”
Dagdag pa nito na lalabas lang ng kuwarto ang kaniyang asawa kapag kakain na ng gabi. Minsan naman ay kakargahin nito ang kanilang baby pero agad ding ibabalik sa kaniya.
May isa pang pagkakataon na iniwan ng Reddit user ang kanilang baby sa asawa nito. Pagkabalik niya, tulog na sa duyan ang baby at may maruming diaper na hindi man lang pinalitan.
“On the rare occasion that I am able to leave the house, it is to go grocery shopping. That’s my form of relief. A five minute drive to the grocery store to try and remember everything we need while slightly sleep deprived and on my own. I have to put her down for a nap before I go. I left him with her awake one time and found her asleep in her swing, sitting in a dirty diaper,”
“Walang din tulong ang mga in-law ko.”
Bukod sa problema sa asawa, ayon kay Redditor lizquizbluesclues, nagkaroon din siya ng problema sa kaniyang mga in-law. Aminado siyang hindi niya kasundo ang hipag at biyenan nitong babay. Subalit dahil malapit lang ito sa kanila, minsan ay humihingi siya dito ng tulong.
Kahit na pumayag naman itong tulungan siya, may iilang naging problema pa ring nangyari. “There are other people to help him; she is only doing this to get his house and any money/possessions he has.”
Tamad na asawa | Image from iStock
Sinabihan naman siyang walang kuwenta ng kaniyang manugang. Kada Lunes, bumibisita sa kanila ang manugang nito para doon maghapunan. Ibig sabihin, kinakailangang maghanda siya lagi ng pagkain dahil sa bisita.
“She is also as bad as my husband.” dagdag nito. “She doesn’t change diapers. She feeds baby but as soon as baby fusses she hands her back.”
Pagod at mag-isa
Dahil sa pagod at stress, nasabi na lamang ng Reddit user na si lizquizbluesclues na sana ay hindi na lang niya kasama ang asawa nito ngayon,
“It’s just more work and pressure for me and his family is of no use to me. I feel so alone and down,”
Dagdag pa niya na disappointment lang ang hatid sa kaniya kapag sinusubukan nitong kausapin ang asawa.
“I told him I felt down today and he giggled and gave me a baby talk voice and said “aw what are you sad about” and I almost lost it. I have talked to him several times and he promises to be better, but I’ve seen no marked change. And I don’t know what to do. I’m just kicking myself for thinking he was going to be a good partner and father when we had a kid.”
Dahil sa post na ito, marami ang nagbigay ng suporta sa nanay. Sinabi nilang may mali sa kaniyang asawa at tinatawag pa nila itong “unggoy”
Ayon pa kay Reddit user, M2704, “So he knows how to make a baby, had 9 months to prepare and still ‘doesn’t realize’?What is he, a monkey? He actively goes out of his way to not spend actually time with his daughter ór his wife. That’s not ignorance, that’s just running away from your family.”
Hayag naman ng new dad na si LordEew,
“I was like him. He doesn’t understand how hard it is. I don’t have a way to convince him other than telling him how hard it is and hoping he is the person you think he is. In my case, it took my wife being hospitalized and me having to do everything myself to understand how hard being a single parent is. Postpartum depression is real and that is where you are headed unless you say something. At the time, I thought my wife was being unreasonable and when I started writing this I wanted to say that it was both parties fault. However, looking back, I could have done more, I couldn’t see my wife struggling. I felt like the victim because I was the one bringing home the money. The reality is that raising a child is much harder than work. Put him to work.”
Majority ng mga nag comment at hindi sangayon dito. Payo nila, kailangan nilang mag-usap mag-asawa ng masinsinan. Dito na sila nagbigay ng ilang tips para sa nanay.
Tamad na asawa | Image from iStock
Dahil sa viral post ng isang Redditor na si lizquizbluesclues, nagbigay ng kaniya-kaniyang payo ang mga netizen tungkol sa kaniyang kasalukuyang kalagayahan.
Advice para sa nanay at mga kailangan niyang gawin
- “You need to have a serious sit down conversation with your husband. This can’t and shouldn’t continue. He needs to be an actual parent,” payo ni Toranightengale
- Sang-ayon naman si vivifieddd, “No one knows how hard it is until they are doing the job. My husband told me to ‘just strap the baby’ on myself and carry on with whatever I need to do. I strap our baby on him. Just 5 mins in, he came to me asking how do I function with the baby at all.”
- “He probably has no idea what is happening and believes the baby sleeps all day and that you have plenty of free time. He should be taking care of the baby himself at least 3 hours a day, and maybe cook,” payo rin ni loch_inou. “24/7 slavery is no good for your mental sanity, you have to make him aware of this, and he needs to take responsibility”.
- Komento ni LittleMissPotatoe, “It’s possible he has postpartum depression and is having a hard time adjusting to the change, which may be why he keeps promising to be better but can’t actually act better,”
- Isa pang Redditor ang nagsabing, “Talking through those issues, if they exist and I think they might, will help resolve them. You can’t overcome it if you can’t even talk about it, and it feels a lot less lonely if you are tackling that mountain together.”
- Nagbigay ng payo ang isang user na si OutrageousSea5212 na nakaranas din ng parehong kalagayan ng ina. “You could even literally list out everything you do and assign money values (ie, childcare, cleaning) to show what you’re bringing, if that is necessary for him to see how valuable the work you do is,”
Konklusyon
Isa sa pinakamahirap na role ang pagiging magulang. Maaaring fulfilling experience ito sa karamihan ngunit hindi malabong susubukin ka rin ng panahon.
Kaya naman kung nararamdamdan mong hindi ka tinutulungan ni mister sa loob ng bahay, ‘wag kakalimutan na hindi ka nag-iisa. ‘Wag mahihiyang humingi ng tulong lalo na kung hindi mo na kaya.
Maging malakas lang mga nanay!
Translated with permission from theAsianparent Singapore
Translated in Filipino by Mach Marciano
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