Parents need their ‘me time’ but it’s often difficult to get some rest and relaxation when you’re a new parent–harder still, is asking your parents to allow you this much needed free time.
This is the dilemma of one anonymous user on theAsianparent Community who, worrying that their life as a couple has been solely focused on their baby, sought the advice of his fellow parents on the Q&A platform which is steadily growing in popularity.
screengrab: theAsianparent Community
“It’s not going to be this way forever. Your baby is adjusting to the world, and will settle into a routine over the next few months.”
“It’s a huge adjustment, and it’s not just you who’s feeling this way. I’m sure your wife is having is just as hard, if not worse. To be frank, you do come across as rather selfish,” wrote Jamie K., mincing no words. “It’s only been a month. You’ll be a parent for the rest of your life. It’s not going to be this way forever. Your baby is adjusting to the world, and will settle into a routine over the next few months. Your guy night can come later.”
His fellow dad, Daniel N., cautions him against shunning responsibility at this point in time. “At this time, wife really needs the attention and care. You might want to start by going out together without the baby given that your parents can help babysit for a good few hours.”
“Wait a few more months when everything is stable talk to your wife nicely about having some ‘me time’.”
As for Jason C., it’s all about being fair. “Guys need time out and girls need girls day out too. Perhaps you can try to let her go for her “me” time first and if she’s feeling happy about it than you can always suggest that both of you should have your own “me” time occasionally.”
“It is okay to want to stay away from certain thing sometimes and enjoy personal time,” Diana L. assures him. “You can discuss with your wife about you wish to meet friends.”
Dad Koon L.: “Well, I will try to talk to her nicely. If not, I will wait a few more months when everything is stable talk to wife nicely and have some me time.”
Find out how new dads can adjust to parenthood on the next page
Though some of the responses were supportive, most of the parents who answered the anonymously posted question firmly urged the new dad to focus on being a dad first.
But Carin Goldstein, a licensed marriage and family therapist, that every parent needs a little time to themselves.
“You’re only as good to those around you as you are to yourself. If you don’t take at least an hour here and there to stop, relax, take a breath, see a friend, thumb through your favorite magazine, take a shower and (dare I say) blow dry your hair, etc., etc, then the chances of burn out for you are very high,” she told Life360. Adding that burn out for a parent only makes them resentful.
photo: Pixabay
Brian Gresko, editor of When I First Held You an anthology about parenthood, wrote in a blog:
“I do love my son—so much that I want to be my best for him. This means that I require space of my own for thinking, feeling, and finding my center. It’s like the emergency instructions in an airplane, instructing adults to strap the oxygen mask on themselves before assisting their children. You have to take care of yourself in order to best take care of someone else. For us introverts, that means maintaining a bit of space in our schedule for quiet and autonomy.”
Parents shouldn’t feel guilty about caring for themselves as well because well-rested and fulfilled moms and dads make the best parents.
READ: How can new dads deal with self-doubt and anxiety about parenthood?
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