Quality time might be a big deal for you, but it may not be for your husband. Maybe a little compliment from time to time is enough for him, while you may not care at all if you receive one. Know everything about the five love language here.
What can you read in this article?
- 5 love languages in a marriage
- The love language of Mommy Sarrah and her husband
That's all because we speak different love languages and to have a smooth relationship with your partner, it's important that you know how to speak his and that he also knows how to speak yours.
My love language of me and my husband
Arr & I have totally different personalities but we get along because we understand and know each other's needs. It wasn't always the case though.
I can't even count anymore how many times we broke and makeup before we got married because he couldn't find time to bond with me even though we lived just a few blocks away from each other.
This would normally happen whenever he had a problem that he didn't want to share with me. He was living with some of his friends at that time. So, staying at home after work or during rest days isn't a problem, given that he won't be alone.
I used to be the one to always have the initiative to come over to his place so we can watch a movie together or just simply chat about how our day went.
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On the other hand, he loves to sing and gets even more motivated whenever he receives praise from other people. His eyes would twinkle in joy whenever I tell him how I fall more deeply in love with him when he sings.
But there are just really times when I want a quiet time especially when I'm trying to write or focused on doing something. There was this one time when I was busy drafting a caption for one of my Facebook posts and he was singing a Gary V. song so loud.
I could not think so I told him to stop, and he did really stop but murmured at the same time that he would never sing again. We were already married at that time.
For me, it was funny because he looked like a child having tantrums, but for him, he really felt bad. He felt as if his voice sounded painful to my ears.
So how did we really get past all those differences?
Well - one word. Communication. Whenever there is a problem, we talk about it. We make it a point to always express our expectations from each other, then we compromise.
Now, even though he spends hours playing mobile games, he makes sure that he still has time to talk to me about random things, cuddle in bed, and play with our baby.
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On random days, he would grab me by my waist and dance with me with or without music in the background. I, too, never tried to stop him anymore while he's singing, and always make a mental note to thank and appreciate him for everything he does for our family. I also always tell him how much I love him and how good-looking he is to my eyes and he does too.
When we were still young, we were told that you shouldn't ask for something in return when you give. While that is true in some cases, it doesn't apply to having a healthy marriage or relationship for me.
For you to live harmoniously with your partner, you need to understand and practice the process of giving and take. But how can you give if you don't know what your partner's need is?
Or how can you expect to take something from him if he doesn't know what you want? That's where the five languages of love come in.
5 love languages in a marriage
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1. Words of Affirmation.
Think about yourself feeling so exhausted after a whole day of running around the house doing household chores and taking care of a toddler without a helper.
What do you want to hear from your husband once he gets home? Do you want him to thank you for taking care of the house and your kid while he's away? Do you want him to say that you are a great wife and a great mom? That for him, you are beautiful regardless if you look exhausted?
What about him? What does he want to hear from you after a very tiring day at work? Does he want to hear encouraging words from you? Or probably just a simple acknowledgment of what he feels like "I know you're tired. Why don't you go and take a rest first?"
People who speak this one of the five love language are the most sensitive, but they are also the easiest to please. You just have to be kind and always remember to give them the validation, compliment, appreciation, and praise that they need.
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2. Quality Time.
Imagine your husband spending his whole day in front of his phone during his rest days and just pauses to eat and take a bath, then goes straight to bed afterward and back to his phone again.
What would you feel? Would you be mad? How about if you invite him for a movie night but he refuses because he wanted to sleep? You will probably understand, but somehow you'll feel dismayed, right?
Now, imagine you and your husband are out on a date, but one of your friends keeps chatting with you about a certain problem and you just can't ignore it. What do you think your husband will do? Confiscate and turn off your phone? Or maybe just take his phone out too?
People with Quality Time as their primary love language finds it important that they get undivided attention. That means watching a movie together or going out on a date without any distraction.
When they are talking to you, they want you to give them your full attention, otherwise, they will feel unimportant and unloved.
3. Physical Touch.
One of the five love language is physical touch. Are you into Public Display of Affection? Do you always kiss your husband goodnight or probably cuddle with him every time you wake up in the morning? Do you always feel the need to be close to him physically?
What about him? Does he normally request a good massage from you whenever he gets home from work? Does he always hold your hand when you're out on a date? How many times does he kiss and hug you in a day?
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The truth is, there is more to Physical Touch than sex. Sex is one thing but it also includes kissing, hugging, and anything that involves being physically in contact with your partner.
People who speak this love language are usually clingy, and sometimes maybe too much to handle, but they can also be the sweetest.
4. Acts of Service.
How do you feel about your husband helping you with the household chores? Do you like it when he holds the door for you? Or probably whenever he carries your bag when you're outside?
On the other hand, does he normally request that you cook for him or get him coffee in the morning? If you're a working mom or a career woman, did he ever talk to you about staying at home to take care of the kids and him and just stop working?
People who speak this love language enjoy any help they can get from their partner and love it even more when their partner initiates on giving it instead of asking. It assures them that they're loved and that they are not alone.
5. Receiving Gifts.
Are you into surprises? How would you feel if your husband forgets to get you a gift on your anniversary? Do you expect a gift from him on special occasions like birthdays, Valentines, and Mother's Day?
What about him? Was there ever a time when he felt bad because you did not get him anything on his birthday? Does he normally request a specific thing before a special occasion?
Some may have the wrong impression about people who speak this love language. You may think of them as materialistic, but in reality, they are just sentimental people. They value things given to them by their significant others no matter how small or big it is. For them, it's the thought that counts.
Now that you know what the 5 love languages are, have you already figured out what's yours and what's your husband's? Go ahead and talk to him now about it.
About the Author
Sarrah Jane Mae Jove is wife and mother of one bubbly little girl. Aside from working from home and taking care of my husband and daughter, I also love to write during my free time.