1. Keeping ‘score’
Keeping ‘score’ or keeping track of past mistakes and who owes who, is a bad relationship habit.
It’s toxic because it uses you our your partner’s past mistakes to justify toxic behavior. It also means that whoever is ‘keeping score’ holds grudges against the other person, and that’s not a healthy frame of mind to have, especially in a marriage.
Eventually, your marriage will just devolve into a competition of who makes less mistakes, and that’s not what a marriage is about. So don’t hold grudges, and stop keeping ‘score’ of you or your partner’s past mistakes.
2. Too much passive aggressiveness
Being too passive aggressive isn’t healthy, even outside of a relationship. It only serves to cause problems since the issues are unresolved, and it leaves you upset and frustrated.
Passive aggressiveness is toxic since it means there’s a lack of communication in the relationship. Healthy relationships are built on communication, and telling one another their problems and concerns. If there’s something on your mind, talk to your partner about it, and don’t hold it inside.
3. Lashing out at spouse
If you’re a bit hotheaded, or if you easily get annoyed, and you tend to lash out against your spouse, then it’s not healthy behavior to have in the relationship.
This type of behavior assumes that your partner is responsible for your happiness, when in reality, you’re the one who should be in control of your emotions, and this behavior also establishes codependent tendencies, which is also bad for your marriage. They’re not obligated to make you happy just as you’re not obligated to make them happy.
It’s important to rely on your spouse as someone to support you, but at the end of the day, they’re your partner, and they deserve to be respected.
4. Too much jealousy
This is something that a lot of people have. Being too jealous of other people around their partner is very toxic behavior, since it shows that there’s no trust in the relationship. This can also lead to behavior such as check your spouse’s email, reading their messages, and spying on them to see if they’re doing something wrong.
If you have a habit of being too jealous, then maybe it’s time to reassess yourself, and find out why you have that type of behavior. Building trust is important in a relationship, and toxic behavior such as jealousy only serves to create more problems.
5. ‘Buying’ affection
Gifts are nice to have in a relationship, but no amount of gift giving can compensate for any wrongdoing that you do against your spouse. If you have a habit of being the toxic person in the relationship, then instead of buying your partner presents or gifts to appease them or to seek forgiveness, why not try and do something about your problems?
The best way to deal with a problem in your marriage is to talk about it, and think of solutions, not to buy your way out of the problem. Working things out with your spouse helps the both of you learn from your past mistakes, and prepares you for dealing with similar problems in the future.
READ: The first 10 years of your marriage might suck, but you’ll make it
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