We previously explored questions that need to be asked before even considering taking back a cheater. Now, let’s take a step back and consider other ways you can be hurt by your partner and how to make sure it doesn’t cause irreparable damage to your relationship.
Trust is as powerful as it is breakable. Hurtful words and inconsiderate actions force cracks to form in our relationship. Though negligible at first, these cracks can leave lasting marks, which are often only noticed too late in the relationship. Deeply internalizing anger, resentment, or even annoyance could evolve into deep-seated hatred once left unchecked. Loving goes hand in hand with forgiving, but it can sometimes be a struggle.
Here are ways to genuinely forgive your partner for the hurtful things they’ve said or done.
1. Ask yourself why you are so upset
In order to reach the point of genuine forgiveness, you must first pinpoint the root of your anger. Why did a particular incident upset you? According to the Huffington Post, a lot of what upsets us stems from unresolved issues. Our intense emotions could also be a response to a bruised ego or unaddressed resentment. More often than not, looking inwardly is the best way to sort through our external reactions to situations.
2. Embrace that some behavior can’t be changed
To be clear, this in no way means you must tolerate abusive behavior. Upon entering into a relationship, we already have a clear sense of our partners habits and quirks. However, as the years pass, their attitude could change, part of loving them is embracing their growth and evolution as an individual. Let the little things go, and celebrate their good traits as much as you accept the little quirks that annoy you.
photo: pexels
3. Take ownership of your emotions
Accept that you alone are in control of your emotions. Both positive and negative emotions, though influenced by outside sources, stem from deep within us. Our perception of a situation may be different from our partner’s view of it and so, this often creates conflict. Letting go of blame can open you up to listen and try to be more understanding of your partner.
4. Don’t let a day pass with anger in your heart
A study out of UMass Amherst supports this by claiming couples should never go to bed angry at each other because this heavy feeling takes root overnight, causing you to wake up even more upset. Though these findings are interesting, we don’t really need scientific proof to back this up, because many can attest to it. Sleeping beside someone towards who you have pent up resentment isn’t healthy.
photo: dreamstime
5. Think of forgiving them as a way to give yourself peace of mind
At the end of the day, harboring anger and bitterness affects you the most. More than wanting to mend your relationship, which is important in itself, you should also think of forgiveness as a necessary part of self-care. It’s not selfish to let an issue go, just so you’ll feel better. Fully loving someone and rebuilding trust means thinking about your own happiness, too.
READ: Should you forgive a cheating spouse? Here are 3 Questions to ask yourself
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