Teenage pregnancy or getting pregnant early is still considered taboo in our culture. But to say that someone is “sayang” just because she got pregnant, is that even fair? Read this mom’s story on going to school while pregnant, accepting change, proving people wrong, and claiming her best life.
What can you read in this article?
- Going to school while pregnant and shunning the gossip
- How she was able to overcome her obstacles as a single mom
I was 19, at the height of enjoying college life and my somewhat newfound freedom when I got pregnant with my son.
Coming from a family of lawyers, I knew then it was going to be hard to tell them about my situation. I was an overachiever and the quiet child from the brood so it will definitely come as a shock when I give them the news.
The 180-degree turn
My boyfriend and I were in a typical relationship. It was on and off, and that went about for a year and a half when I got pregnant. He was in a bad place. I thought our unborn child could change him and finally leave his questionable ways. It did – but that’s another story.
The moment I knew I am going to have a child, I didn’t cry. Maybe I was in shock or in denial. All I know is I am going to be a mom. I need to take care of my baby. I knew my child’s father won’t be in the picture so I planned it all out. I pulled out my notebook and made a bullet journal of what I am going to do, how I am going to do it, and so on. Talk about being a nerd.
After a week, it finally sinks in. It was also a week of isolated cryfest and just coming out of the bedroom to eat, drink or pee because I need to feed my baby. That’s all I care about. Still, not anyone in my family knew about it.
Since I got pregnant, my life turned 180 degrees. No more late-night and after-school drinking sessions. My school allowance was budgeted for my pre-natal medicine and school supplies that used to be for a weekly pack of cigarettes and beer.
During the course of my pregnancy, I had those idle moments when my situation hits me. Why did this happen? Why me? I don’t understand. I was just enjoying my life. I was in my darkest. I feel like giving up that time. I am alone in this. My family won’t accept this. My family won’t accept me.
A lot of questions were going on my mind. So I just sleep through it, hoping that when I wake up it was all just a bad dream.
In my 8th month, I was finally able to tell my family. All they could do was cry. I saw how hurt and disappointed they were, but they still stood by me. My child’s father was nowhere to be found at that time. Apparently, he was also having his own battles then.
I gave birth 2 days after Christmas. When I saw my son for the first time, I cannot forget how big he was! I realized that this is for real. I was still contemplating my so-called life – but my son gave me purpose. He gave me that spark of hope that everything is going to be alright.
Going to school while pregnant
Getting pregnant early is such a taboo especially when you’re attending a catholic university. I used to get all those stares because at 5 months pregnant I still went to school, attended class, finished my architectural plates and pass it on time. I knew people were gossiping about me for going to school while pregnant, but I just didn’t care.
The rest of my college life was all about school and home. No detours to hang out with friends at all. I made sure that before I leave for school, I took care of my child’s needs the same way I hurriedly go home at night and do the same.
However, when I came back to school after giving birth, the gossips didn’t go away.
“Uy.. Nanganak daw ‘yan. ‘Yong tatay ata ‘yong tattooan.”
“Kaya pala nawala siya last sem.”
“Diba napansin natin malaki tyan niya… Kaya pala.”
People talk. We can’t stop them from doing so. But because I was so focused on my son, I just didn’t care what they had to say.
Aside from my family, a number of good friends were there every step of the way. The kept me sane and grounded when I was facing my inner demons. I am glad that I had a great support system.
People thought I won’t be able to finish my studies. But when I graduated three years later than I was supposed to, these people congratulated me.
Two years after that, I got my architect’s license. And the same people who criticized me for getting pregnant early even had the audacity to ask me for things.
Struggles as a single mom
But living my life as a single parent and building my career was not easy at all. I remember, just two weeks after graduation, I got a call and was hired by my dream company to start the following week. I was ecstatic!
But it was the same week my son starts his summer school. So I politely declined and passed on the opportunity. It was such a bummer but I couldn’t bear the thought that I wouldn’t be with my little boy on his first day of class.
I can’t forget how happy he was when showed me the star stamped on his hand. How he introduced me to his teacher and new friends, and the way he woke up the next morning because he was so excited to go school. It was all worth it.
When you’re the only one providing for your child, it will always be that way. No ifs, no buts. No compromises. My child always comes first. So I became a stage mother – always present on my son’s school activities and making happy memories with him.
“Sayang ka …”
Building a career is hard but finding love is much harder. Aside from being traumatized from my past relationship and worried that I might end up getting pregnant again, guys I meet have these side comments about me having a child. That, or they were just immature baboons that really got me uninterested in getting into a relationship at all.
“Alam mo sayang ka…”
I always get this comment.
But one particular guy told me once when he and I were having a conversation,
“Masaya ka mag-isa? Sinasabi mo lang ‘yan kasi wala kang ka-relasyon. Mas okay na may ka-relasyon…”
The nerve of that guy! I could not stand him so much that I walked out, got into a cab and cried on my way home.
Why did I cry? I didn’t cry because he was right. I cried because I cannot stand people like him that keeps invalidating my feelings – my contentment of being happy with just my child. I just don’t understand his sentiments at all. When I look at my child and what we have, I don’t feel “sayang” at all.
READ MORE:
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My son and I have a great relationship. We’re like a “barkada.” We are the best of friends. He can talk to me about everything, but there is also a thin line between us where he knows that I am still his mom. I am a disciplinarian and a spoiler at the same time. I don’t know how it works but I get to balance both.
When he was growing up, his dad was not constantly present. He’s there one minute then out. But what I am really grateful for is that my son is the most understanding child anyone can ask for. He always loved his dad, no matter what.
Lessons on humility, strength and faith
Years later, my son’s father and I got back together. I guess true love has a habit of always coming back. Again, that’s another story.
I went through a handful of rollercoaster moments – mostly on the low tracks of life. But despite that, I always look forward to experiencing the highs.
Going to school while pregnant and being a mother at young age gave me important life lessons. I learned about humility – to be able to accept your flaws and admit your mistakes, strength – to go through things despite the hardships.
Lastly, it taught me about power of my faith. Faith in God, faith in myself and faith on other people. Turns out, I just needed to let go of things I don’t have control of and just let everything fall into place.
