Okay, let me begin by accepting that for a long time I did not even realize that what is happening in my marriage may amount to marital rape.
It’s only when the news of rape within marriage began taking steam on TV channels did I begin thinking that may be I am a victim of this problem too. Now before you term me stupid or naïve please hear me out.
I am a small town girl and even though I belong to an academically inclined family – may father is a teacher in a local panchayat school and I completed my graduation through correspondence as the nearest university was about 50 km away from my town in interior Bihar.
The girls in my community lead a sheltered life…
The girls in my community led a very sheltered life so the idea of having guy friends or going on dates was totally out of the question. We also grew up in a quite repressed environment so for my friends and me the idea of marriage was mainly equated with having a partner to sleep with and the thought would give us goose bumps.
I mean you have to understand that none in my immediate group of six girl friends were ever even touched by a man. Naturally, after I got married my friends called me up and amongst giggles and naughty grins asked me about the first night.
When I told them that my husband seemed much more desperate than me as he had sex with me four times in the same night there was prolonged laughter. My friends also told me that I was blessed as my husband had a great appetite.
As months passed by I began wondering if I was really blessed. The fact that my husband has a big appetite for sex cannot be doubted. He insists on having sex with me every day. Sometimes even in the morning when the time is limited and I have to feed my six-month-old baby.
He even refuses to wear protection…
But that’s not all he even refuses to wear a protection leaving me to wreck by body constantly with birth control pills. On days when I am tired and in no mood for sex, he tells me to just close my eyes and lay there while he satisfied himself.
On the days of my period, he is very rude and visibly angry. Sometimes he insists on having sex with me even during those days though grumbles about the mess.
He has absolutely no regard for my health too. When I had my baby six months ago the doctor advised me to avoid sex for some time as I also had stitches.
My husband could only wait for two days and made ‘love’ to me when I was in pain and bleeding heavily. The rest one month he spent in anger, as he could not satisfy himself because of my postpartum bleeding.
I have spoken with the lady doctor in my local dispensary, as there are days I feel so weak and lifeless that I literally am in tears while we are having sex.
My doctor asked me to take some calcium tablets to reduce my joint pain while having sex. She also told me to eat honey and coconut water before going to bed as she says this will help me get in the mood too.
This has been continuing for two years now and the thought of sex puts me off. An excess of everything is bad and I have told my husband many times but he says that I should enjoy the sex with him, as there are so many men who look for this pleasure outside of marriage.
Should I bear this because otherwise, my husband may go to someone else for his urges? Do you all think it amounts to marital rape? What should I do? Please help!
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(Name has been withheld on request)
Republished with permission from: The Indus Parent
Also read: 4 hidden reasons why men don’t want sex
