Most parents use the time-out method when their children have a meltdown or exhibit unacceptable behavior.
The misbehaving child is told to sit quietly on a chair, stand in a corner or go to his room for anywhere from a few minutes to an hour as punishment. Often, the child is asked to remain quiet for the duration of the time-out so he could think about what he did.
In essence, the time-out method focuses on withholding attention until the child is ready to comply with expected behavioral norms.
Where did time-out originate?
According to the book Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason (Kohn, 2005), time-out is actually an abbreviation for “time out from positive reinforcement.”
The term emerged around half a decade ago from the work of psychologists such as Burrhus Frederic Skinner as a way of training laboratory animals.
As Skinner and his colleagues tried to teach pigeons to peck at certain keys in response to flashing lights, they experimented with various rewards (e.g., food) and punishments (e.g., withholding food) to get the birds to “comply.”
Following the work of Skinner, the term was picked up by other researchers who soon started applying it to methods of discipline for children.
Kohn goes on to say that the time-out method was later recommended as a form of discipline for young children by professionals as it was a seemingly effective way of correcting children’s misbehavior.
Continue reading to learn about the advantages of time-outs and how to properly do the method
Benefits of the time-out method
- Offers a parent a “calmer” way to curb misbehaviors as the time-out method is a:
- Non-violent method of discipline as opposed to spanking
- Scream-free parenting method
- Way for mom, dad or caregiver to also calm down during a stressful situation
- Allows child to calm down. Given the right tools to do, this life skill will come in handy in adulthood. Also, when a child (or an adult) is upset, it’s difficult for him to think clearly; so regaining his center will definitely allow him to be more receptive to his parent or caregiver’s teachings, i.e. how to problem-solve or avoid an undesirable situation from happening again
- Allows child to process his behavior, to reflect on wrong-doing and learn to avoid it
- Teaches the child to make amends if he hurt someone, whether intentionally or unintentionally. Through this, he becomes aware of how his actions/reactions can affect people; if he knows this already, then the lesson is reinforced during time-outs
- Is simple to do
Tips for doing time-outs the right way
- Don’t wait to see if children misbehave, step in when you see them slowly getting crotchety. This way, you limit the amount of time-outs that you do enforce. It also shows your kid that you understand them and you know why they are starting to behave the way they do.
- Time-out is not just for you to cool down. Don’t just send your kid off to the time-out spot every time you feel you can’t cope with your kid’s behavior. Remember the principle behind the time-out method: to change a child’s behavior
- Sending them away every time you can’t cope gives them the impression they are always to blame. This may not always be the case but it’s certainly how you are presenting the situation to them.
- Time-out is seen as form of punishment, but it’s not! The reality is that time-out is an opportunity for children to remove themselves from the situation that’s upsetting them and relax. That one or two minutes away from the situation is when they get to collect their thoughts and think about how to project themselves better.
- Time-out is when words are hardly spoken. Don’t use this time to try to hammer the message home. It’s recommended that the amount of time a kid spends in time-out depends on their age. So if they’re two years old, it’s two minutes in time-out.
- During that time, avoid talking as much as possible. If you have to, keep it short and sweet. If they wander off during that period, make sure you bring them back to the time-out spot.
- Time-out, if threatened, should be carried out! Always, always walk the talk. If you spot your child misbehaving, address the issue and why exactly it’s wrong. On the occasion that it does happen again and needs to be accompanied with a time-out session, make sure you deliver on the threat. If you make more than one warning and not enforce it, your child will carry on with the negative traits.
Continue reading to learn about the disadvantages of the time-out method
Disadvantages of the time-out method
- The method isn’t recommended for kids 2.5 years or younger or those who are not yet capable of being reasoned with. If the child is too young to understand or contemplate on his behavior, the principle of the method is lost.
- It isn’t for all children–especially the ones who dislike being alone. Therefore, a child may resist such punishment which may cause a power struggle between the parent and child.
- If the time-out method is used often, the child becomes immune to it. This is why it should be used sparingly and only when all other methods have been exhausted.
Aside from these, there are more believers of how time out does more harm than good.
Dr. Daniel Siegel, Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine and Tina Bryson, PhD, are co-authors of the bestselling book The Whole-Brain Child.
In a recent article, they identify several valid reasons why time-outs may actually be detrimental to children’s healthy development.
According to Siegel and Bryson:
- Relational pain that is caused by isolation during punishment–such as that which a child is subject to during a time-out–can look the same as physical pain on a brain scan.
- Studies in neuroplasticity (the adaptability of the brain) show that the physical structure of the brain is changed by repeated experiences of anything. This is also true for repeated time-outs, where the primary experience for a child is isolation.
- The ultimate lesson a child will eventually learn from time outs is the feeling of rejection. This is because even when a time-out is done in a patient and gentle way, it teaches your little one that when he is emotionally distressed, he will have to deal with his feelings by himself.
- Children have a very strong need for connection, especially during times of anxiety or distress. Given this, when a child is sent to the “naughty corner” or “naughty chair” by himself, an important psychological need of the child to feel connected is neglected.
- The inability of time-out to address the goals of discipline, which are to change behavior and build skills. Time-out makes children feel even angrier and more hurt than they were in the first place because they are isolated during times of distress.
- Depriving kids of the opportunity to build empathy and problem-solving skills. Usually, children think about how mean their parents are, rather than their misbehavior.
- Teaching children that they should bottle up their feelings. Since there is an enforced silence during time-out, children learn to suppress feelings instead of expressing them.
Dr. Aletha Solter, a renowned developmental psychologist, also does not recommend the use of time-out as a way of disciplining a child.
Solter explains that children can experience the withholding of attention that accompanies a time-out as abandonment and punishment. This could damage the parent-child relationship and the child’s self-esteem.
Furthermore, she points out that the time out method of child discipline approach does not address the underlying causes of difficult behaviors in children.
Experts suggest using the time-in method instead.
The decision on what discipline method to follow ultimately depends on what parents think is right and will work for their family.
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